Yami Blackjack
by akitosohma
Summary: Yami is sugar high all the time, Bakura stinks at casino games, Marik is sane, and the asylum will never be the same. COMPLETED!
1. HIT ME HIT ME HIT ME!

Yami Blackjack   
  
It was a regular day at Las Vegas at the casino while Akito was shuffling cards near the slot machines. She was almost done with her shift when her thoughts were interrupted by insane laughter and yelling. Two people ran to the two slot machines next to her, nearly knocking her over. One had multi-colored spiky hair and wore many many belts. The other was white haired, and looked like he had a ton of hair gel, because his hair was rather wild.   
  
"How may I help you?" she asked Bakura. Bakura was looking at the machine like it could magically spit gold coins at him. Yami was making sounds of someone who had too much sugar. "Hello?" Akito poked at Bakura.   
  
Bakura hissed and snapped at her. "How do these machines work? It seems that all you do is insert a quarter, pull a handle, and coins will come out!"   
  
"Uh, sir, they don't always come out," she tried to say when Yami screamed "Wheeee!" Bakura rolled his eyes.  
  
"So, give me some coins then." Akito dug into her pocket and pulled out a handful.   
  
"It'll cost you."   
  
Bakura took off his jacket. "How's this?"  
  
"Okay!" Akito tossed him some more coins and went to Yami who was trying to eat his hair. "Sir, would you like to play?!" she yelled over Yami's Wheeees. Yami blinked at her stupidly and tried to eat her hair as well. Bakura came over and yanked him off.   
  
"Bad Yami!" He tore a handle off a random machine and hit Yami several times with it.   
  
Akito rubbed her half-chewed hair and pulled herself up. "Would you like to play?" she asked Yami. Yami smiled and said Wheeee! Akito took it as a yes, took a hold of the back of Yami's belt and literally dragged him to a machine. "Okay this is how you play," she inserted a coin and pulled the handle. A lemon, a jackpot, and an orange appeared. Akito was going to say that he didn't win when Yami all of a sudden shouted. "You dare! Mind Crush!"   
  
She was blown backwards and landed on the floor. She looked at the blown up machine and called," Repair at the slots!" Then she got up and went to Yami. "Let's try again."   
  
Akito took him to Bakura, who was stealing from old ladies nearby. She put Yami in front of a machine and pulled Bakura over while he was taking a wallet.   
  
Yami took a coin from Akito and pulled. He got jackpot and a lot of coins came spilling out. "Yami wins!" Yami yelled. "Yami can get all the ice cream he wants!"   
  
Bakura's eye began to twitch and Akito pulled out a cross as Bakura sent the machine to the Shadow Realm.   
  
"Alright, let's play another game." Akito said, putting her cross away. The machine was gone and Yami was sitting on the floor playing with his hair. "Why don't we play blackjack?" Akito suggested.   
  
"Blackjack?" Bakura asked, undamaged by what had happened.   
  
"Yes, blackjack!" she shouted, almost losing her temper. Yami went Wheeee and started chewing on Bakura's hair. Akito took them to a table and as she did, another character came. A certain blonde by the name of Marik sat next to Bakura while Yami sat with the crazed sugar expression on his face. He looked at Marik's hair, leaned over, and started sniffing him. Akito took out a deck and began to shuffle like an expert. Marik pushed Yami over and hit him several times with the Millennium Rod.   
  
"Are you babysitting him again?" Marik asked Bakura.   
  
"Well, Ryou wouldn't let me come here because he believed that I would take over the casino and Yugi said that Yami had always wanted to come but since Yami was drinking a double chocolate milkshake and eating ice cream, they insisted that I come." Bakura shuddered. Akito slapped cards down the table and distributed them. Yami picked them up and didn't do anything.   
  
"Sir? What do you want to do?" she said. Yami blinked and still didn't do anything. Akito picked up a cue stick and whacked the table with it. "Sir!" she yelled. Yami showed an eighteen. "Hit me!" he yelled. Now we all know that no one would ever say "hit me!" when you have an eighteen. But Yami was a pharaoh, so everyone had to listen to him. Akito handed him a card while screaming mentally.   
  
"Okay then, Bakura?" Bakura glared at Yami because he was still sore about Yami winning at the slots.   
  
"I think I shall stay," Bakura pushed a handful of chips over. "Beat that!" he snapped at Yami who was staring at his cards mindlessly. Marik blinked and said a normal 'Hit me'. When Akito passed a card over, he pushed a slightly bigger pile over.   
  
Bakura laughed and he showed a nineteen.   
  
Marik had a twenty. "What?!" Bakura shouted at Marik. He grabbed the front of Marik's shirt and shook him roughly. "How can you?" Akito handed Bakura the cue stick and he smacked Marik several times until Marik decided to send the stick to the Shadow Realm.   
  
"Yami would you like to show your hand?" Akito asked. Being in the Shadow Realm twice was making her lose her sanity. Or what was left of it. "Yami?"   
  
"HIT ME!!!!" Yami yelled, sending the dealer crashing to the wall.   
  
With her eyes crossed, Akito handed Yami a card. "That'd better be the last one or I'll bite!" she screamed.  
  
Yami blinked and stared at the rate the dealer was losing sanity. "Okay," he whimpered.  
  
He revealed a perfect 21, which meant he won the game. "Yea! More ice cream for Yami!" Yami took all the chips to his side and went Wheeee again. Akito sensed trouble and dealt the cards again. She held onto her cross as the yamis pushed their chips over. Bakura bit his lip and shoved a pile over. Marik glared at Yami and pushed another pile over. Yami didn't move.   
  
"Sir?!" Akito yelled. Yami still didn't move. "Sir?!" she yelled one more time.   
  
"HIT ME!!!" Yami shouted. Akito's hand shook as she passed a card to him. Yami yelled," HIT ME! HIT ME! HIT ME!" Akito took Marik's Millennium Rod and hit Yami several times with it.   
  
Bakura blinked and Marik was too busy trying reading Akito's mind to bother.   
  
Akito stared at Marik and he quickly shoved the Rod away.  
  
"HIT ME!!" Yami yelled, making Akito go deaf in one ear. She handed over a card and Yami pushed his entire pile over. Bakura smirked and pushed his pile over, which wasn't much considering that Yami and Marik had taken them. Marik blinked at Bakura and pushed a small pile over. Then, without being told, they revealed their cards one at a time. Marik had a fifteen and Bakura showed a twenty, and Yami….had a blackjack!!!!   
  
Akito sensed the air get fuzzy and pulled on a self warming sweater, an army helmet, binoculars, and a cross while Bakura's eye began to twitch and Marik raised the Rod…  
  
"They were yamis I tell you! There was the pharaoh, a dude with freaky white hair, and a dude who wears too tight pants! They glowed gold and went poof into three things with eyeballs!" Akito gibbered as the police tied her into a straitjacket and tossed her into the car. "I'm telling you! Yamis! They were playing slots and blackjack! HIT ME!!!!" The car drove away.   
  
One police officer was taking notes and was trying not to laugh at the same time. He was quite tall with brown hair and blue eyes. "Yamis?" He laughed to himself and muttered," Wait till Yugi, Ryou, and Marik hears about this." He looked back at the burning casino and whistled through his teeth.   
  
***********************************  
  
I'm aware that there is a fanfic called Aeon Poker in FF.Net. I've already asked the author for permission  
  
to use her idea so I'm not actually taking it and calling it my own. The character Akito is not from Fruits  
  
Basket. It's my nickname people call me.   
  
p.s pirate kit, if you are reading this, the blackjack section is deticated to you! Thanks! 


	2. It's the SQUIRRELS!

Evil Squirrels   
  
It was a normal day at the insane asylum, which was unusual. "Akito, you have a visitor," a guard said.   
  
Akito perked up. "Okay Inu-chan!" she chirped.   
  
"Name's not Inu-chan," the guard muttered. Kyo entered and blinked at the way Akito was in the straitjacket.  
  
"How did you get here?"   
  
Akito shrugged. "Inu-chan said I was insane. What is this insane they keep talking about?" Suddenly, she jerked upright. "There are yamis!!! HIT ME!!!!", she shouted, sending Kyo backwards.   
  
Kyo got up (she has high stamina) and shook Akito. "There are no yamis!!!" Akito blinked at her.   
  
"Really? Okay then! Hey, Inu-chan, I'm all better now!!"   
  
"That's great," the guard muttered and handed Kyo papers. After signing all of them, Kyo took Akito and left the building.   
  
"Bai bai Inu-chan!!!" Akito called before the doors closed.   
  
In the parking lot, the yamis were finally relaxing after a day of dueling each other by the command of their hikaris. Why they chose to relax in the parking lot of an insane asylum is beyond the imaginable. Marik was bored.   
  
"Well, last night was eventful," he commented. "I feel sorry for sending the dealer to the Shadow Realm several times though. She did manage to keep up with us for a while."   
  
Bakura was looking at Yami who was still high of sugar. "And HE wanted ice cream afterward!!!"   
  
Marik sighed. "Well, maybe we should go visit her."   
  
Yami ran off chasing a butterfly.   
  
"Okay. Hey, has anyone seen my jacket?" Bakura grabbed the back of Yami's collar and he pulled the pharaoh with him.   
  
Marik followed.   
  
"Kyo, was the sky always blue?" Akito asked, staring at the sky.   
  
"Uh, sure." Kyo answered. Then, they ran into the trio of dudes with freaky hair.   
  
"Uh, Akito, who are they?" Kyo asked. Akito screamed. "Those are yamis!!!!"   
  
Yami pulled on Bakura's shirt and said," She remembers us!!"   
  
Marik hit Yami on the backside of his head.   
  
"Owww."  
  
Akito ran to Bakura. "Look Kyo, they are yamis!!!" She began to chew on Bakura's hair. "Yum!"   
  
"Why me?" Bakura pushed her off. "Are you the sane one?" he asked Kyo. Kyo said," Yep."   
  
Marik heard something and screamed," The squirrels! The squirrels! EVIL SQUIRRELS!!!!" He ran to Akito and used her as a shield while he went to the trees.   
  
Akito went wheeee.   
  
Marik began to talk to the flea ridden, tree loving, fluffy rodents.   
  
Bakura stared.   
  
Yami hit a soprano wheeee.   
  
Then, Marik yelled and ran for the other side of the parking lot. "It's war!!! The squirrels shall DIE!!!!!!" Akito went wheeee and ran after him. Yami went to the tree and started kicking it to be attacked by a rain of acorns.   
  
"Don't look back!!! Run!!" Marik yelled. Kyo yelled too and ran with Marik. Bakura was just standing there until Akito knocked him over (she is still wearing her straitjacket) and kicked him with the others. Later, Bakura snarled and bit her and Akito snapped and clamped onto his hair with her teeth.   
  
When everyone but Yami was safely behind a tall brush, Marik began to speak. "I have a plan. Bakura send them all to the Shadow Realm!"   
  
Bakura pulled Akito off his hair and said," How will that work?" Kyo was twitching at every sound. Akito was currently chewing on Kyo's hair and nuzzling Bakura at the same time.   
  
"Akito likes Bakura."   
  
Marik's eye began to twitch and he quickly sent her to the Shadow Realm and brought her back before anyone noticed. Unfortunately, Kyo was with her because Akito was still chewing her hair.   
  
"Get off!" she pushed the insane girl off. Then acorns began to rain on them. Marik screamed. "They are here!" He took out his Rod and mind controlled the acorns to go back to the attackers.   
  
Akito screamed wheeee, climbed the tree with her feet and started biting. At the branches.   
  
Bakura took his Ring and threw it at them, which didn't help a lot. "Damn, it's made in China," he said glancing at the label underneath.   
  
Kyo went back to Yami and returned with his many belts, "Back! Back I say!" she whipped the rodents. She didn't have good accuracy so she pretty much whipped everyone.   
  
Akito snarled and clamped onto Marik's hair this time. Bakura's eyes widened and he pulled Akito off Marik with great difficulty because she was holding onto Marik's belt as well. So Marik's pants are very loose on his waist, which meant he was going to lose his pants if he doesn't get the goddamn belt back. Marik turned to Akito and tried to whack her with his Rod but, like Kyo, he managed to whack Bakura several times.   
  
Then Yami ran by without his pants and did Mind Crush on everyone.   
  
Kyo pulled out her binoculars and sent explosives to the tree, blowing it up.   
  
Bakura flew backwards and he crashed into Yami who did Mind Crush on him.   
  
Akito still had Marik's belt and she started whipping the crap out of the squirrels. Since she had such good accuracy, she managed to whack all of them before the squirrels bombarded her with acorns.   
  
Bakura stumbled from the effects of Mind Crush and one of the Ring's pointy things jabbed Kyo in the eye.   
  
Kyo yelled and chased Bakura, whacking him with Yami's belts.   
  
Marik pointed his Rod at Akito and blew up the acorns around her.   
  
Akito yelped when her jacket caught fire and Bakura said," There's my jacket!". He ran to her and pulled off the jacket and it burned to ashes. "You idiot! That was my favorite! DIE YOU!!!!" he started chasing Marik.   
  
Yami ran out of energy to do Mind Crush and sat down to eat a sandwich. "Yum! Cheese!"   
  
Akito pulled on her army helmet and summoned an army of birds. "Kill them!" she commanded. The birds flew down like jet bombs and attacked the squirrels at a fast rate.   
  
Kyo took out a slingshot and shot at the birds, having better accuracy this time.   
  
"Nooooo!!!!! Don't kill the birdies!!!!" Akito whacked Kyo.   
  
"Birdies must dieeee!!!!!" Kyo shouted.   
  
"Noooo!!!!" Akito took Marik's belt and Kyo took out Yami's belts. The war of flying belts had begun. Marik joined in too, basically because he wants his belt back and so did Yami who finished his sandwich and was doing Mind Crush to the girls.   
  
The squirrels attacked Bakura, hog-tied and gagged him, and carried him off as their sacrifice to their squirrel gods.   
  
Suddenly, a group of school kids followed by their escort were walking by. "And as you see here, this is the place where you go if you don't behave-" the escort said and stopped when she saw the scene with two girls hitting each other with belts, two boys with spiky hair trying to get their pants up, and a white haired albino being carried off by squirrels. The kids went ohhhh and their eyes grew at the dark haired girl who wore a burned straitjacket.   
  
Akito noticed the way the kids were staring at her. She quickly knocked Kyo out and ran to them, sniffing their hair.   
  
"Sensei, this lady is scaring me," a girl whimpered when Akito played with her pink ribbons and going 'ohhh pweety colors!'   
  
"Now remain calm and she won't hurt you," the teacher said. Akito heard her and screamed at a tree nearby. The kids jumped as she ran to the tree and began to shout at it.   
  
"I thought I told you not to let the squirrels live here! Don't you know that those brainless rodents can outsmart any human!? Sheesh, I told you specifically to banish the squirrels from this world and look what you have done! Now we have to fight because of your incompetence!" Akito kicked the trunk. "Not only that, did you know that the other countries are getting their weapons from them?! The squirrels are going to take over the WORLD!!!!! It's the squirrels! We are going to die! DIE I TELL YOU! DIEEEEEEEEEEE!" She waved her arms and continued ranting. The kids' eyes widened and when they got back to their homes, they would scream at the squirrels or twitch every time a squirrel approaches them. When their parents ask what was wrong, they would reply 'Scary lady says the squirrels are evil! We are going to die when they take over the world!!!'   
  
Anyway, back to reality, or what is left of reality.   
  
Kyo woke and she saw the children scream and run away while Akito was shouting at a tree. "Damn, she took my job." She took all of Yami's belts and whacked Marik who was getting his belt on. "Bad Yami!" she scolded. "That's Akito's!"   
  
Marik ignored her until Kyo began to wrestle him to the ground. What was amazing was that Marik was about a foot taller than Kyo and she was beating the crap out of him.  
  
Yami joined with the wrestle because Kyo still had his belts. He pulled Kyo off and snatched the belts back. While putting them back on like a sane person, he shouted," Yugi's going be mad if I lose his belts!"   
  
Akito came back with a very satisfied smile on her face. "Akito scared little children," she said happily. Then she looked around. "Where's Bakura?"   
  
****************  
  
I got really bored so I decided to do another chapter. Don't ask. 


	3. MONKEYS ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD

Inside the squirrels' main base   
  
"Let me go you stupid hibernating freaks of nature!" Bakura yelled. A squirrel chittered at him and whacked him with a stick that had a head of a Barbie doll for its tip. "Owww."   
  
When he was stopped in a huge room that was filled with what looked like representatives from every country in the world. There was a squirrel with a turban, a squirrel wearing a plaid skirt, a squirrel with a hula skirt, and, well, you get the point. Bakura could almost swear that he saw an Egyptian squirrel.   
  
"Someone shoot me," he muttered. He was poked by that Barbie stick again and the squirrels tied him to a pole. (Isn't it strange that the squirrels have a pole long enough for a human?)   
  
"Chit! Chit chittery chit!" a squirrel yelled.   
  
"Chit? Chi chitu?" another yelled.   
  
"Chit! Chittery chit chitzu!"   
  
Bakura would normally say something but he doesn't speak squirrel.   
  
  
  
Back at the parking lot   
  
"Don't tell me he has been captured by squirrels?" Marik said.   
  
Everyone but Yami nodded because Akito had whacked him with the Millennium Rod several times and Yami now has a headache.   
  
"Fluffy albino go bai bai?" Kyo said, her eyes glazed.   
  
Akito blinked at Kyo and started chewing on her hair. Then she cried," Fluffy shall not die! The squirrels shall die!"   
  
"Fluffy?" Marik was going to ask when he suddenly realized they were talking about Bakura. He shook his head. Now he was stuck baby sitting after a psycho pharaoh, a girl that was about to go insane, and another girl whom he thought had just gotten out of the asylum. "Why me?" he asked the heavens.   
  
Yami poked at Kyo's hair and he tried to eat it when Akito hit a soprano wheeee and sat on him. "We must save FLUFFY!!!!"   
  
Kyo rubbed her head from all those wheees and wondered if she was going insane as well. She went to Yami who was being sat on by Akito and took the Puzzle from him.   
  
Yami's eyes widened and he began to scream," Mine! Mine!" He did Mind Crush on Akito, which sent her flying backwards, and he wrestled with Kyo.   
  
Marik rubbed his temples at a forming migraine and sat down Inu-Yasha style to think of ways to get Bakura back from being sacrificed to the squirrels.   
  
Akito staggered over and then climbed to curl around his head, shivering. Then she jerked her head up and screamed," HIT ME!!"   
  
He went deaf in one ear and pulled the girl off his head which was hard because Akito had gotten a hold of his gold necklaces and she basically wouldn't let go.   
  
"Get off me!" he shouted. Akito blinked and started to cry like dub Momiji. Marik covered his ears and screamed over the horrible sound," Damn you Ra!!!!!!"   
  
Yami blinked and went to a tree and kicked once. A large piece of bark broke off because it was the tree that Akito kicked so many times, revealing a long passage. "Ohhhh."   
  
Everyone stared at the pharaoh because who knew that there were passageways inside trees?   
  
Back to the squirrels  
  
It was always the squirrels' fault for everything! Damn the pharaoh for not sending all those rodents to the Shadow Realm! They must have bribed him with a double chocolate milkshake so he would be too sugar high to do it!, Bakura thought as a squirrel was sharpening a knife and several were tying his wrists and ankles to posts.   
  
"Chit! Chi chi!" a squirrel shouted and every squirrel in the room stopped and started bowing to another room across. Bakura assumed it was the chief squirrel.   
  
It stepped out. Bakura stared.   
  
It was a girl of brown hair and blue eyes that he found particularly annoying. What, the squirrels were worshiping a human?  
  
Bakura began to laugh behind his gag and a squirrel hit him hard with the Barbie doll, knocking him out from being hit so many times.   
  
Back to the normal, I mean, not so normal people  
  
Yami clung to Marik who was holding his Millennium Rod as a flashlight while Kyo clinging to Yami as Akito clung to Marik's legs. They were like that because it took Marik a while to convince them that there were no monkeys in the passage. See, in the anime, Marik is supposed to be the insane character besides Bakura. But now that Bakura wasn't here, and compared to the people that were whimpering around him, he was the sanest one.   
  
{{[[Flashback]]}}  
  
"Monkeys!" Kyo cried and ran in circles like a fool. Akito screamed and jumped on Marik as Yami jumped back and knocked Kyo over.   
  
"It's too dark! Yami afraid of the dark!" Yami started to cry like dub Momiji.   
  
Akito twitched and fell off Marik who was hitting himself with his Millennium Rod. "Monkeys want to take over the world too!!" She started to run around like a fool too.   
  
Marik grabbed her and shook her several times. "There are no monkeys in there! Bakura is in there at the mercy of the squirrels and you want to get Fluffy back right?! Then get in there!"   
  
Akito grabbed his legs and sobbed like dub Momiji. "Akito don't want to go alone! Will Neko-chan come?" her eyes grew to size of saucers.   
  
Marik had the facial expression of -_-" Neko-chan?   
  
{{[[End Flashback]]}}   
  
"I should have taken over the world a long time ago," Marik muttered. He tripped over a pebble and everyone rolled down the passage like it was a roller coaster. Everyone but Marik screamed ,"Wheeee!!!!!" and Akito added "HIT MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"   
  
When they stopped, Akito had @_@ face expression, Kyo had X_X face expression, Yami had ^_^ face expression, and Marik had O_o.   
  
Akito staggered around and she accidentally stepped on a trigger and the floor opened for everyone to fall and Marik screamed," Damn you Raaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and Yami yelled, "Wheeee!!!!!!!" before they disappeared.   
  
Bakura woke to find him about to be sacrificed to the squirrel gods. And the human with the pin that said 'I'm a tree hugger!' that looked like one of Yugi's friends.   
  
His Ring began to glow and one of the pointers grew very sharp and it cut off the ropes. Bakura tossed the Ring around, killing the squirrels around him, which didn't do a lot. The squirrels menaced upon him with their eyes glowing red. The human raised her staff and called," You shall pay for fighting the squirrels and burning the trees!!!"   
  
"I didn't do that!" he shouted. "A girl with a burned straitjacket did all that!!!"   
  
She considered that for a while and snapped her fingers, making the squirrels back away. "And where is this girl?"   
  
Several screams were heard above, especially a high-pitched wheeee, and Bakura's so-called rescuers fell out the ceiling.   
  
Kyo twitched at the sight of squirrels and hissed like a cat, her fingernails magically growing sharp.   
  
Marik was holding onto Akito with his hair more spiky than usual. The Yami hated heights. Akito looked off with a dazed expression, totally unaware of Marik holding onto her.   
  
Yami was sitting in the middle, trying to eat his hair.   
  
Bakura muttered," Not them." Akito heard him.   
  
"FLUFFY!!!!" she cried and glomped him. "Akito missed you!!"   
  
"Fluffy?" Bakura raised an eyebrow. He inched away from her.   
  
"Who are these people?" The human, who we will call goddess, called. She gestured at Akito who was nuzzling Bakura.   
  
"This is the person who set trees on fire!" he shouted, pushing Akito in front of him.   
  
Akito blinked and cocked her head. Then she yelled," HIT ME!!!", sending the goddess to the wall.   
  
The goddess shook her head and wondered how could a person yell so loud and still had enough energy to send a person to the wall. "How dare you!" she went to Akito who was eating Bakura's hair and pulled the girl off the white haired Yami. Unfortunately, Akito's teeth were still on Bakura's hair and when the goddess pulled her off, she had also pulled off a portion of Bakura's hair.   
  
Bakura looked rather comical with a bald spot on his head. "You dare!" he sent Akito to the Shadow Realm. Akito went wheeee.   
  
Kyo hissed and started to chew on her own hair. Yami noticed this and he turned to chew on Marik's hair.   
  
"No chewing on hair in this room!" the goddess commanded. They went "Awwww".   
  
Bakura tried to leave but the Barbie doll came flying and it knocked him out again. @_@   
  
Marik shoved Yami off and spoke," We come in peace. We just want to leave here." He was greeted with a shower of killer acorns and a squirrel whacked him with the Millennium Rod.   
  
Kyo poked Bakura's unconscious form with a stick and then poked Marik.   
  
Yami went to the goddess and started bowing before her.   
  
Akito's eyes were crossed and she staggered to Marik, took his Rod and began to send random things to the Shadow Realm, including Kyo and Bakura.   
  
Bakura woke to find himself in the Shadow Realm and his Ring reacted by creating an explosion. Kyo was blinking with her eyes crossed and went wheeee. When they were out of the Shadow Realm, Akito was taking Marik's belt and hitting everything in sight.   
  
Yami hit sugar high mode and was doing Mind Crush to everyone. Especially Akito.   
  
She walked around with her eyes crossed, took Bakura's Ring, and poked Yami in the eye with one of the pointers. She began to sing the Barbie Doll song in a drunken tone. "I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie's World! Made of plastic, it's fantastic!!"   
  
Marik screamed and covered his ears. "Stop...that...MUSIC!!!!" He snatched the Rod from Akito and knocked himself out.   
  
Kyo screamed bloody hell and knocked herself out as well.   
  
Yami blinked and knocked himself out too.   
  
The goddess covered her ears and the squirrels followed the suit.   
  
Bakura's eye began to twitch and everything was sent back to the Shadow Realm while Akito screamed "HIT ME!!!!!"  
  
The guard was sitting at his desk when he heard what sounded like WW 3 outside the parking lot. And that horrible singing was enough to send everyone in the asylum screaming and a few lucky ones managed to knock themselves out against the wall. Someone knocked and the man who drives the asylum's car came in holding two girls and one that he never wished to see again for the rest of his very blonde life. The driver was dark haired and wore dice earrings. He held Akito with her straitjacket charred and the girl who had just signed her off the asylum a half-hour ago.   
  
Kyo looked at the driver and said," Who are you?" The driver looked very uncomfortable and tried to put her down when Kyo clamped onto his arm. "Hello! You look like Yami, Kiki!"   
  
"My name's not Kiki," the driver muttered and left them there for the guard to handle.   
  
Kyo smiled and yelled," Okay Kiki! I love you bai bai!"   
  
Marik looked at the mess of the area and then looked at his now charred belt. " Yami, when fighting in combat with evil rodents like the squirrels, refrain from doing MIND CRUSH!!!!" Yami blinked stupidly at the blonde yami.   
  
"Do I get a cookie?"   
  
*******************  
  
I like cows... 


	4. I like cheese!

I like cheese!   
  
Tasuki waited near the library, making faces at the children that walked by. "DAAMMMNNN YOUUUU!!!!" she shouted at them. Her cell phone rang and she answered it. "Hello?"   
  
She heard raspy breathing on the line and she asked," HELLOOO?"   
  
"HIT ME!!!" Akito's voice yelled in the background. Tasuki blinked at the phone.   
  
"Akito?" she asked.   
  
"No, it's Kyo. Akito is in her usual mode so I took the phone from her." Kyo said. "We are in the asylum. Can you get us out?"   
  
"Okay!" Tasuki said and turned off the phone. Then she spotted two girls staring at her. "DIEEE!!!!" she yelled.   
  
The girls shrieked and ran from the library, never to be seen near the place again.   
  
  
  
Kyo looked at Akito while they were tied to their straightjackets. The guard had said they were indestructible but Akito seemed to have found tons of ways to get out. "Akito, I called Tasuki. She said she'll get us out."   
  
"I'm a YAMI!!!" Akito yelled. She repeatedly kicked the wall with her foot. "The squirrels have passageways everywhere! They want revenge!"   
  
"Maybe I should have asked her to get me out," Kyo muttered. Akito heard her. She settled down and pouted.   
  
"Inu-Chan will miss having you here." The guard yelled back," I'm not Inu-Chan!"   
  
Akito kicked the door. "Bad Inu-Chan! No ice cream!" she scolded. She began to chew on her own hair while Kyo watched, not yet sugar high.   
  
  
  
Tasuki opened the door to asylum and the inmates began to rant and scream because sunlight shone in. She poked at several doors when the guard stopped her.   
  
"What are you here for?" he asked, his accent very southern sounding.   
  
"I'm here to get Kyo and Akito out." she said.   
  
He twitched and led her to a room. "Where the heck do they get their sugar from?" He unlocked the door.   
  
"Hi Inu-Chan!" Akito called.   
  
"How did you guys get here?" Tasuki asked. The room was covered with mattress with torn fabric and the straitjackets were very tight on Kyo and very loose on Akito who was chewing on her hair.   
  
Kyo shrugged. "We fought against the squirrels and we got put here." She jerked up. "The squirrels! The squirrels! EVIL SQUIRRELS!!!!"   
  
Akito and Tasuki stared at her for a few minutes. "How did she get to this?" Tasuki asked.   
  
"I LIKE CHEESE!!!" Akito yelled. She clamped onto Tasuki's dyed hair and chewed for a moment and spat it out. "YUCK!"   
  
Tasuki pushed Akito away. "I think I should leave you here," she said when Akito clamped onto her ankle, crying like dub Momiji.   
  
"The monkeys will come to get me!! Then the squirrels will get revenge on me for burning trees!!!"   
  
"You burn trees?" Tasuki raised an eyebrow. She destroyed my dreams again, she thought.   
  
Kyo curled to a fetal position and began to rock back and forth. She would whimper 'evil squirrels' and 'monkeys' every few seconds for a while.   
  
Tasuki's face went from O____O to O__O to O_O to _; to O_O. "Yo! Blonde man!" she called. "I'll sign these people out!"   
  
The guard muttered," Why are they giving me these names?" He handed Tasuki the sign out papers and a pen. When he wasn't looking, she slipped the pen into her pocket.   
  
"Bad Yami! No ice cream!" Akito yelled.   
  
"I like cows…" Bakura said. He played with a cow plushie from Chick-Fil-A that has a sandwich board that said 'Lose that burger belly!' "I like cows…"  
  
"I like cheese…" Yami said dreamily. Ah, the power of cheese.   
  
"I'd like it if you stop saying that!" Marik yelled, a stress mark appearing on his forehead. He snatched the plushie away from Bakura and sent it to the Shadow Realm. "And that was your third cow plushie in one day!"   
  
"I want my Squishy back!" Bakura yelled. He tackled Marik down and used the Ring as an eye poker.   
  
Yami looked up all of a sudden. "A-Are those ch-children?" he asked in a fearful voice. He pointed at a large playground full of children playing. He suddenly screamed and went into fetal position, rocking back and forth.   
  
Marik hit Bakura several times with the Rod and pushed the unconscious spirit off. Then he spotted something that really made him scream. No it was not the children; it was the two girls he met last time and another one with dyed hair. The really insane one he met in Las Vegas and the other that happened to be around.   
  
Marik screamed bloody hell and ran. Into a tree.   
  
Akito squealed at the yamis and ran to them. She went to Bakura and poked him with a stick.   
  
Kyo let out a wheeee and secretly passed Yami sugar packs she stole from the guard at the asylum.   
  
Tasuki stared at Marik whose face was stuck to a tree. "How'd you get there?" she asked. "And who are you?"   
  
Bakura let out a groan and regained consciousness. But when he saw Akito, he screamed and tried to knock himself out.   
  
Akito took away the mallet that had appeared out of nowhere and glomped him. "Fluffy!"   
  
"I still don't know these people," Tasuki shook her head. She looked at Marik and said," You're name is Neko-chan."   
  
"It's Marik," he said.   
  
"Neko-chan!"   
  
"Marik!"   
  
"Neko-chan!"   
  
"That is what the black haired girl called me!"   
  
Tasuki turned to Akito who was nuzzling Bakura who looked like he wanted to kill himself. "You ruined my dreams again!"   
  
Akito blinked. Then she saw something that made her scream and tighten her hold on Bakura. "Children!!" she yelled. Her hold tightened and Bakura was turning blue.   
  
"Can't…breathe…" he choked. He was about to pass out when Akito all of a sudden dropped him.   
  
"Children make allies with squirrels," she said. Kyo jerked up.   
  
"Squirrels…" she whispered, the sugar effects taking place. "Dieeeee…"   
  
Yami twitched and began bowing before the tree.   
  
Akito began running to the playground where the poor children were about to see the worst horror of their lives. She yelled," Hear me out! You make allies with the squirrels! You will die first!"   
  
The children stopped what they were doing to stare at her for a few moments. This made Akito's eye twitch. "I said you are going to dieeeee!" A mother went up to her and said," You are a wacky one. I would die if my children were as wacky as you."   
  
"Wacky?" she twitched.   
  
Tasuki hid behind the tree, which Yami was still bowing before. "Everyone, run." she whimpered. She pulled Bakura over and Marik knocked Yami out. Kyo sat on him.   
  
Akito yelled," I swear, every time I leave my house, it's like I've given up my every right to be left alone or treated with respect! You flies with your unyielding little minds!! You think my difference from you is an excuse to comment on me as if I were on display for you!!! Like I am the way I am because I want the incessant gawking of strangers!!!! Not only that, but you've used the word, WACKY!!!!!!!" She took out a jagged knife and killed the mother with one slash. She looked around, her eyes gleaming.   
  
Tasuki approached her. "You ruined another dream!" She took the knife away and started chasing the children whom were screaming and running away. Marik blinked.   
  
"Okay…"   
  
Bakura came from the tree and attacked Marik for sending his cow plushie to the Shadow Realm. Akito blinked for a few seconds and said," What just happened?"   
  
Kyo dragged Yami to the playground and dropped him on the ground. She took out a handful of explosives and tossed them to random places. Including the swing set, the sandbox, and the slide.   
  
Bakura pushed Marik down the street and followed him to the playground. "I want Squishy back!"   
  
"It's just a cow!" Marik's eye twitched. He got up and attacked Bakura with the Rod and he managed to push Bakura into a tree.   
  
Tasuki let out a whoop and kept chasing the same group of children around the place. "DIEEEE YOU FOOOOL!!!!!!"   
  
Kyo tossed and explosive at Akito. Akito blinked stupidly and poked at the explosive. "Ohhhh, pweety colors!" It exploded, knocking her to Bakura and Marik who were fighting, kung fu style. "Ohhhh, the Matrix!" (Bakura is the random guy fighting Neo and Marik is Neo. Insert the black trenchcoats and the sunglasses.)   
  
Tasuki had backed the children to the slide and posed, ready to kill. "You children with your little Barbies and Hot Wheels cars! You spread the evil with those weapons of doom!"  
  
A little girl with a Barbie went up to her, and whacked her with it. "Bad lady!"   
  
Tasuki screamed and clawed at the spot where she was hit. "I've been hit by a plastic slut! You demon!"   
  
A boy threw a Hot Wheels car at her head, knocking her out. Then he turned to the group. "We must bring the bad lady to the King! He will decide her fate!" They dragged her away.   
  
Akito saw the children who were dragging Tasuki through the pipe obstacle. "They've got Tasuki!"   
  
Yami woke and the sugar effect took place. He looked at Bakura and Marik who were still fighting Matrix style. "Ohhhh, a nickel!" He picked up a nickel that had fallen out of Bakura's pocket. "You're name is Mr. Nickel!" he named the coin that had the imprint of a president.   
  
Kyo took a long stick and whacked Bakura, knocking him out of the air. "We must save Tasuki from the gods of Barbies and Hot Wheel cars! They are going to make her one of them!"   
  
Akito screamed and climbed up Bakura's head, shivering. "Bad children…"   
  
Marik dropped out of the air and sat on a thorn. "Ow, my ass!"   
  
Yami sat down, eating a sandwich. "Yum! Cheese!" ^_^   
  
(Where Tasuki is)   
  
Tasuki was tied to a post and was covered with paints that they splattered on her. "No! I don't want to die yet! I haven't finished eating my sandwich back there!"   
  
"Bad lady should have thought that in the first place. You will go with the King!"   
  
"What king?" Tasuki yelled. "I'm the oldest in the room now! And you will pay for hitting me with that doll, damnit!"   
  
"My ears!" the children wailed. "My ears!!! The words!!! Why!!!!"   
  
  
  
(To the so-called rescuers)   
  
Bakura was climbing the pipes with thick gloves on. Marik was following behind with Akito curled on his head this time. Kyo was eating Yami's hair and Yami was eating Akito's hair.   
  
"Bakura, why is it that when we go on rescue missions, I'm the one that gets the people curled on my head?" Marik asked.   
  
"Gee, maybe it's because you're hair is spikier than mine. And that you use glue instead of hair gel like I do," Bakura replied.   
  
"What?" Marik tried to pull Akito off to find that she was really stuck on his head. "What the fuck!" He reached down his pocket to take out a bottle of crazy glue. "Yami said this would be better than the ones you use."   
  
"You'd trust the pharaoh when he is on sugar?" Bakura said dryly.   
  
"Well, oh, yeah."   
  
"And Akito's got some of the glue on her head too," Bakura noted. "So that means Yami is stuck on her. And since Yami uses glue instead of gel, Kyo is…shit."   
  
Akito yelled 'cheese' with Yami yelling, "I want a sandwich!"   
  
(Where Tasuki is)   
  
"I like pizza! I like liver! Meow Mix! Meow Mix! Please deliver!!!!!" Tasuki screamed.   
  
"Silence, bad lady!" A girl whacked her with her Barbie. "The King must pass judgement!!!"   
  
"There's no place like home! There's no place like home!! THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tasuki screeched. She was hit with almost every toy imaginable and she was still screaming.   
  
(Marik uses glue?)   
  
"Okay, this is where their base is," Bakura set down the Ring and adjusted his sunglasses. He still had them from his and Marik's Matrix fighting scene.   
  
"That's good," Marik said. He had managed to get the people off his hair but that left several bald spots on his head as Akito was really glued to it.   
  
They heard a scream, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"   
  
"Tasuki!" Akito yelled back. "You should have said I LIKE COWS!!!"   
  
"Cows?" Marik asked. Bakura shook his head, still mourning the loss of his cow plushie.   
  
Kyo jumped up and down several times and the pipes crashed down from everyone's weight. Yami went wheeee before the whole thing fell and dust flew.   
  
"Hey look!" Akito found a construction paper that had the words scribbled in very messy letters. "Who can read this?"   
  
Yami snatched it and read," We are at the farmhouse with the field of black and white animals. Don't look for us. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA?!" like he was reading simple English. Or Japanese. Whatever. "Hey, this is a note! I can read!!"   
  
"NO SHIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" everyone shouted except Bakura who was crying at the loss of the cow plushie.   
  
**********  
  
I got a request to use someone in my fanfic. I will use you but not until   
  
the later chapters because I still have a bunch of people I want to use.   
  
And e-mail me the request because the next time someone  
  
asks me while reviewing, I will reject you because the   
  
reviwing is for 'reviewing' a story. Not for asking the author   
  
for anything. Sorry if I sound self-centered but I have   
  
my standards for something like this. 


	5. Why must fate be so cruel to me! WHY!

(Where Tasuki is)   
  
"Why must fate be so cruel to me? Why oh why oh why?!?!?!?!" Tasuki yelled. She sniffed the air. "What the hell? Are those cows?"   
  
"The King lives in a farmhouse, you bad lady. He pass judgement on you for insulting the gods!"   
  
"DDDAAAAMMMMNNNN YYYOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tasuki yelled. The cries of children rang in the air as they screamed and cried," MY EARS!!!! WAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"   
  
(Just follow the cows)   
  
"WAH! SQUISHY!!!" Bakura sobbed. He clung to Yami and kept crying. Yami had a dazed look, unaware of Bakura holding onto him.   
  
"Oh for Ra's sake," Marik snapped his fingers and the bald spots vanished and new hair appeared. He stuck a hand into Bakura's pocket and took out hair gel this time.   
  
Akito was playing with a razor she had found near a tree and was carving into it. 'The squirrels are going to take over the world!!' was carved on the top. She jumped down and carved the rest. 'I like Fluffy!'   
  
Kyo had taken Marik's Millennium Rod and was setting fire ants on fire. "Ohhhh, the colors!" she said. Then she heard something go 'mooooooooooooo'.   
  
"Cows!" she yelled. Akito looked up after carving 'Hit me!' and yelled even louder,"MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"   
  
"Cows?" Bakura sniffled and released Yami who had passed out from his grip. "COWS!"   
  
A herd of cows were crossing the street and were leaving town. Why there was a herd of cows in a children's playground is beyond the human mind.   
  
Bakura jumped on one and yelled ,"Giddy yap!" Marik looked up from finishing his hair. "You coward! We haven't finished the fight yet!!" He leapt on one and tried to catch up with Bakura but cows move REALLY REALLY slow. When he finally did, they fought again. Matrix style. With the trenchcoats, sunglasses, and the slow motion effect. And jumping off cow after cow.   
  
Akito climbed up a tree and jumped. Instead of landing on a cow like she intended, she fell on the pavement and got run over by cows.   
  
Kyo dragged Yami by his belts and threw him into the cows and rode. Unlike Akito, Yami was on a cow. Just not conscious.   
  
Akito rubbed herself and got on a cow. Yelling like a cowboy, her cow rode past Bakura and Marik whom were still fighting. "WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD!!! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF COZ!!! BE COZ BE COZ BE COZ BE COZ!!! THE WONDERFUL WONDERFUL WIZARD OF COZ!!!!!!!!!" before disappearing into the horizon.   
  
(To where Tasuki is)   
  
Tasuki was dragged out of the toys, had paint on her face, and now the children had set their Barbies and Hot Wheel cars down and were bowing before them. The children had also set up a plate, which were full of candy and all sorts of sugar.  
  
"OH GREAT GOD OF PURITY, HEAL THIS EVIL LADY OF HER DEMONS! WE OFFER THIS TRIBUTE OF CANDY, COOKIES, CHOCOLATE, AND A SANDWICH TO PURIFY HER AND LEAD HER DOWN THE PATH OF RIGHTEOUSNESS!!!!"   
  
Green smoke appeared and Tasuki stared. There was a puny little kid with lots of blue hair and navy eyes. He had a stick, which he whacked her several times with it chanting in children language.   
  
"I told you to take a right and you wanted a sandwich!" The children looked up. There was a stampede of cows rampaging over the field and were heading their way!!   
  
They screamed and ran away except the kid with blue hair. "Halt! Who are you?" he called.   
  
Akito got off her cow and landed in cow shit. She was about to scream bloody hell when she saw the children. "DIEEEEE!!!!!" she chased them.   
  
Kyo jumped off and went to Tasuki who had little yellow stars circling her head. "Tasuki, did they hit you yet?"   
  
"Who's Tasuki?" Tasuki asked. Then she blinked at Kyo. "I like kitties and puppy-wuppies!!!"   
  
"TOO LATE!!!"   
  
Bakura and Marik were in the air and were about to kick the crap out of each other in slow motion when Kyo's shriek had broken the effect. So that means they fell out of the air and landed in cow shit.   
  
"Ewww!" Tasuki shrieked like a little girl. She took a Barbie and started to brush its hair. "Pwetty colors!"   
  
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!" Kyo yelled to the heavens. Akito went wheeee.   
  
Marik wiped his face and screamed at the sight of children. "CHILDREN!!! PURE EVIL!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?"   
  
Yami sat on a cow, eating another sandwich. "EWWW!! PICKLES!!!"   
  
Bakura picked himself up and looked at the scene of running children and Yami eating a sandwich. "What just happened?"   
  
Akito poked Tasuki with a stick. "Why is Tasuki playing with a weapon of doom?" She snatched the plastic piece of evil away and tossed it away. It hit Yami on his head.   
  
The stars floated around the pharaoh's spiky head and he picked up the doll. "Cool! Let's play dress-up!" And so he did that.   
  
"That's my Barbie!" Tasuki yelled and she tried to pull it away from Yami. Yami yelled back and they began to fight over the Barbie like the little children they had become.   
  
"EVILNESS!" Akito grabbed a black trenchcoat and the sunglasses. She ran to the 'King' and they began to fight, Matrix style.   
  
Kyo ran, took the Barbie away, poured kerosene, and set it on fire. "BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" she yelled triumphantly. That action made Yami and Tasuki cry and whine but it wasn't as bad as dub Momiji. Tasuki tackled Kyo to the ground and Yami did Mind Crush because Kyo had destroyed the Barbie and Tasuki had stepped on his sandwich.   
  
Marik didn't bother staring at them and he concentrated on how to get rid of these creatures of evil with their weapons of doom. Then he had an idea!   
  
He sent everyone to the Shadow Realm.   
  
*********  
  
Does anybody think that the mystery characters like the guard, the driver, policeman,   
  
the 'King', and the 'goddess' have something in common with a certain anime? Thought so. 


	6. How did HE get into the Shadow Realm?

**How did you get here?**

The Shadow Realm was a really empty quiet place for 5,000 years. And for the past few days, it was no longer quiet. 

"HIT ME!" Akito yelled, dancing around the empty space. 

"EVIL SQUIRRELS!!" Kyo yelled, rocked back and forth. 

"Where'd the children go?" Marik asked. 

"Where's Squishy?" Bakura yelled. Yes, he's still looking for the cow plushie. 

"Why am I stuck with you?" the King asked. 

"Fuck off!" Akito killed and buried him. And forgot everything that had happened. She blinked at the grave and started wandering off. "So how do we get out of here?" 

"Easy," Bakura concentrated on the powers of the Ring. 

Nothing happened. He tried again. Nothing happened. And again. Nothing happened. And again…

"Bakura, the Ring is missing," Kyo pointed. 

"What!" Bakura checked. Yep. "Oh....fuck." 

"I'll do it," Marik concentrated. 

Nothing happened. He tried again. Nothing happened. And again. Nothing happened. And again…

"Hey, Neko-chan! It's missing!" Akito pointed. 

"What?" Marik checked. Yep. "How..." 

"Where's Yami?" Kyo asked. 

**(Where Yami is)**

Yami woke to find himself.....still at the farm. 'Where'd everyone go?' he wondered. 'Yami afraid of being alone.' And somehow, without him noticing, his Puzzle glowed. 

**(In the Shadow Realm) **

"He's not here," Marik noted. "He probably dodged the attack. And only those with an Item can get out of the Shadow Realm." 

"You mean to tell me that our only hopes of escape lies in the pharaoh's hands?" Bakura shook him. 

"Um, yeah." 

"Hey, maybe we should look for Tasuki!" Akito said, already walking away. 

"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE-!" Kyo was cut off by Bakura who had hit her with a stick. 

**********************************

Hours later, Akito let out a yell. "Found her!" 

Tasuki was wandering too. In circles. "Hey, where are we?" 

"In the Shadow Realm," Bakura said. "And Yami is our only way out and he is still sugar high!" 

"Oh." 

"Hey! There's Inu-Yasha!" Kyo pointed across the huge area which had herds of cows, little children (which Tasuki began to suck her thumb), squirrels, flying monkeys, cheese, ice cream, Barbies, Hot Wheel cars, the 'goddess' from the last encounter, sticks, the acorns, trees, burning trees, sandwiches, several slot machines from Las Vegas, the blackjack table, the cards, the chips, the cue stick which Bakura had whacked Marik with… 

Inu-Yasha was walking around, trying to sell cookies. He went up to the cue stick, which was leaning on a tree. A few moments passed before he started to yell at it. 

"I'm telling you they are meant to be sold for one hundred dollars! I'm offering a bargain at ninety-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents!! And these are homemade cookies damnit!!!!" he shouted. 

The stick remained as a stick. Inu-Yasha screamed, "DAAAMMMMNNN YOOOUUUU!!!!!" He took out a marker and started to draw on the stick. When he was finished, the stick was covered with words and funny designs. 

"HA!" he said. 

"Hi Inu-Yasha!!" Akito said happily. She went to the stick and shouted," You a bad stick!! I'm glad Neko-chan sent you here, Mr. Stick!" 

"Yo! Inu-Yasha! How'd you get here?" Tasuki asked. 

"Well, you see, it started when..." 

{{[[Flashback]]}}

"Hey, do you want cookies?" Inu-Yasha asked. 

Yami blinked. "Okay!" After buying a lot from him (he charged $99.99) and eating thoughtfully, he went to sugar mode again and the Puzzle glowed, accidentally sending Inu-Yasha to the Shadow Realm. 

{{[[End Flashback]]}} 

Marik shook his head. "So that's where Yami gets his sugar from." 

"And I swear I'm going to get my revenge!" Inu-Yasha said. "He only paid me ninety nine cents!" 

Everyone but Bakura and Marik gasped in horror. Akito clung to Bakura, whimpering. Tasuki gasped and sat on Marik's shoe. Kyo hugged the cue stick. 

Inu-Yasha agreed. "Yes, it is a true tragedy." He looked up. "I'LL GET YOU YAMI!!!!" he shouted, shaking his fist at the sky. 

**(Where Yami is) **

*eating a cheeseburger* 

***********

$99.99 for a cookie? 


	7. The ketchup bottle speaks

**(Back to the Shadow Realm) **

"So what do we do now?" Akito asked. They had been wandering the Shadow Realm for hours already. She had taken the jagged knife away from Tasuki. "Hey, Tasuki, why aren't you playing with a Barbie like before?" 

"I remembered my sandwich." Tasuki said dreamily. "Mmmm…" 

"So what can we do to get us out of this place?" Marik asked. "Now that we don't have our Items." 

"Hey! Look!" Kyo took a piece of paper that was tack onto a tree. It was another construction paper with squiggles written all over. "Who reads this 'language'?" 

"I do!" Inu-Yasha said. He took the note and read,"We have the golden things with eyeballs!! Come and find it!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA?!" 

"IT'S THE CHILDREN FROM HELL!!!" Tasuki yelled. She took the note, poured kerosene, and set it on fire. "BURN!!!!" 

Bakura clung to Akito, whimpering like a little girl. "Evil children…" 

"Children?" Akito looked around. "Where?" She walked with great difficulty because Bakura was holding onto her foot. "Why is my left foot heavier than the other?" she asked. 

"Newton's Law says that what goes up must come down. So that means the sky is going to fall." Inu-Yasha said. 

"How did the sky get up in the first place?" Kyo asked. 

"Maybe it materialized out of nowhere." Akito said. 

"Or maybe the children put it up there!" Tasuki yelled. 

"Why did we start talking about the sky?" Marik asked. 

"Why is the sky dark and scary?" Bakura asked, his eyes large. Everyone stared at him. "What?" 

"Hey! I know how to contact Yami!" Marik snapped his fingers. 

**(Where Yami is) **

"Stupid ketchup!" Yami yelled, shaking the ketchup bottle. His Puzzle glowed. 

_Yami!_

"What?" Yami looked at the bottle. "The bottle speaks?" 

_Yami! Get us out! _

"I'm trying but you won't come out!" Yami slapped the bottle. 

_No! It's Marik!_

"Say what?" He stared at the ketchup bottle, very confused. "Marik, you are a ketchup bottle?" 

_-_-" No! I mean, I've sent everyone to the Shadow Realm and you have to get us out! I'm speaking from the Puzzle! _

"A ketchup bottle can send people to the Shadow Realm? Sweet!" Yami smiled happily. "Hey, how do you know I have the Puzzle?" 

_No, I mean use your Puzzle to get us out of the Shadow Realm! _

"Why are there ketchup bottles in there?" he asked. 

_Get us out of this place or I'll whack you so many times your hair will be extra spikier! _

"Ahhh!" Yami yelled. "I've been threatened by a ketchup bottle! Mind Crush!" 

The ketchup bottle exploded and Yami ran, screaming like a fool. 

**(Back to the Shadow Realm) **

"Well, that didn't work," Bakura noted. 

"The ketchup bottle speaks?" Akito asked, her eyes growing wide. 

"No, the way to get out is to depend on your friendships," the goddess said. Everyone turned to stare at her. "Well, it worked for me." 

"Where the heck did you come from?" Tasuki asked. 

"I have my sources. But that's because I have so many friends!" 

"They are squirrels." Bakura said. 

"So? Friendships come in many shapes and sizes!" She sighed. "That's why when times are bad, we can depend on each other that that strengthens us to find a way to overcome it. And we'll know that the friendship will never end! All you have to do is-." 

Akito, Marik, Kyo, and Bakura killed her at that spot. Akito whacked her several times with the cue stick, Kyo threw some explosives at her, Marik impaled her with a dagger, and Bakura buried her with a stake shoved into her chest. 

"Just in time," Bakura said breathlessly. 

"Why did you shove a stake into her?" Akito asked. 

"That speech drained me of my blood." he answered. 

"Oh." Akito looked at the cue stick and shouted," No, you can't have any free cookies!" 

"Well, if Yami can't get us out, we'll have to get the Items back," Marik said reluctantly. "From the children." 

"EVIL CHILDREN!!!" Tasuki yelled, making everyone go deaf in one ear for a few seconds. 

"I know how to get there!" Inu-Yasha said. "Follow the yellow brick road!" It wasn't until everyone was staring at him that he stammered," Or we can find a different way." 

"No, really?" Bakura said sarcastically. He took out his deck and summoned Earthbound Spirit. "Take us to the children so we can get out of here!" he commanded. 

Akito went ohhhh and snatched another card from Bakura's deck. "Change of Heart!" she summoned the half angel and half vampire girl. "Make me a sandwich!" 

"Me too!' Tasuki added. 

Bakura watched in horror as the magic card prepared two sandwiches. One had a lot of meat and the other was something a vegetarian would eat. O_O 

After giving the card back to Bakura, Akito and Tasuki sat down, eating the sandwiches. "Yum!" ^_^

"Why didn't I get one?" Marik said mournfully. He was given a glare from Bakura and decided to shut up. 

"We'll wait for them to finish," Inu-Yasha said, sitting down with his arms crossed like in the anime. Marik saw this and sat next to him, the same style. Kyo curled on Inu-Yasha's head, whimpering at the Earthbound Spirit. Bakura sighed irritably, summoned back the monster, and sat next to the tree and fell asleep. 

**(Where Yami is) **

"I'm telling you sir! The ketchup bottle speaks! It said it sent people to the Shadow Realm and it said that if I don't get it out, it will make my hair spikier!" Yami ranted to the brown haired policeman. "I'm telling you the truth! Marik is a ketchup bottle!" 

The policeman looked at him at the verge of laughing his ass off. "Ketchup bottles? Shadow Realm? Look like you watch too many cartoons." 

"That's the point! It will send people to the Shadow Realm! Why won't anyone believe me?" Yami cried. He was being tied to a straitjacket (that was somehow identical to Akito's) and the attendants were having a hard time because his hair kept getting in the way. His Puzzle lay on the ground, forgotten. 

**(Back to the Shadow Realm) **

"All done!" Akito said, throwing the wrapper at a random spot. She looked at the groups that were underneath the tree. Kyo was chewing on Inu-Yasha's ears and he was trying to pull her off with great difficulty. Bakura's head had rolled onto Marik's shoulder and Marik had fallen asleep too with his head on Bakura's. 

"Oh! Yaoi!" Tasuki took out a camera and snapped the picture. It was one of those Polaroid cameras that develop the picture at once. She handed the picture to Akito who quickly slipped it into her pocket. 

Akito went to Bakura, looked at him for a few seconds before sitting on him. "Hey! I've got something that you want!" she yelled, waking both of them up. 

Marik hissed and jerked off Bakura who swore bloody hell and slapped Marik across the face. Then he turned to Akito who was smiling like a maniac. 

"What is it?" he said. Akito showed him the picture, still smiling. Bakura screamed and looked at Marik, then back to Akito, then back to Marik, and finally at the picture. "How did you get this?" 

"I did!" Tasuki said, showing him the camera. "And I've got a lot of files of that so don't bother destroying it." 

"What do you want?" Bakura asked in a low voice to Akito. She smiled and said," You have to let me step on your foot." 

"Say what?" he asked. 

"Or else I'll post this picture in the Internet." she said, her eyes narrowed to look like his. 

"Fine." Bakura stuck out his foot. Akito stepped on it, hard. He yelped and jumped around, tripped over a root, and his face landed between Marik's legs. 

Tasuki snapped the picture. "Got it!" ^_^ 

"Get the hell off me!" Marik shoved Bakura off and tried not to blush. 

Kyo and Inu-Yasha stared at them before turning away at the image. "Oh, the images," Kyo muttered. 

Akito took the picture from Tasuki and smiled again. Bakura kept struggling to hold onto something but Marik was the closest thing nearby and his hand kept grabbing Marik's shirt. 

"Got that too!" Tasuki said. Marik hissed at Bakura and took several steps away. "Let's never speak of this again," he said and was about to leave when Akito yelled," Marik, that's a -" 

SMACK! Just his luck, he walked into a tree. "Owwww." 

"Let's go get the Items back, okay?" Bakura walked past Marik and everyone followed. 

**************

I had to add that scene in. This isn't a yaoi story, just slight hints and a lot of pictures to take! 


	8. When persuading children to give the Ite...

**When persuading children to give the Items back, always have a plan B**

"I want to get out of here! Let me out!" Yami kicked the walls of his room at the mental asylum. He was secured to a straitjacket and they had taken the ketchup bottle away from him a long time ago. "Let me out! I have to keep the squirrels from coming back and I haven't finished my cheeseburger back there!" 

**(Back to the Shadow Realm)**

Akito walked while looking at the yaoi pictures Tasuki had given her. She would squeal whenever the picture of Bakura's face between Marik's legs came and Bakura would hiss and try to get it back but Akito would snarl and bite at his finger. 

Marik was keeping a ten-foot distance from Bakura. 

Kyo was still on Inu-Yasha's head, pulling on his ears. 

Inu-Yasha was trying to get her off. 

Tasuki was right behind Bakura and Marik in case any of them decided to fuck each other at any moment. 

"Hey, does anyone here have any idea where we are going?" Kyo asked. 

"I don't know," Akito said, her eyes glued to the picture. 

"Me either," Tasuki said. 

"Well, we wouldn't have gotten lost if we had simply followed the yellow brick road!" Inu-Yasha said. 

"There isn't any road of such!" Marik yelled. "And if there was, Bakura would have found it." 

"It's right there." Bakura pointed. A yellow brick road was not far away from the group. It was all sparkly, glittery, and all that pink and white fluffiness. Near it was a sign that said 'Welcome to the Yellow Brick Road!'. 

Everyone but Bakura stared at Inu-Yasha. "What?" he said. "I've been here long enough." 

"Yeah," they said. 

Akito shrieked at the fluffiness and jumped on Bakura's head, shivering. "Too much happiness. Too much fluff.' she whimpered. 

Kyo cried and clung to Inu-Yasha's head, her arms covering his eyes. 

Tasuki sat on Marik's right shoe. She began to think for a while but her head started to ache so she stopped thinking. 

"So, do we follow it?" Bakura asked. 

"I guess." 

**(Where Yami is)**

Yami twitched and turned at every little sound. He was not claustrophobic but he was afraid of being closed up in a room with mattresses for walls. "Yami scared…" he whimpered and looked as though he were about to cry. 

"Chit!" 

"Ahhhhhh!!!!!!" he screamed and hit his head against the wall, hard. He looked outside and sure enough, there was a squirrel with an acorn. 

"Things of evil!" he shouted. "What do you want!?" 

"Chit! Chizu chit chita!" it said. Yami's eye twitched. "You dare! Mind Crush!" 

Nothing happened. Yami tried again. Nothing happened. And again. 

"Chitzu! Chei Chi!" it pointed. Yami looked at saw that the Puzzle was missing. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he cried. 

**(Back to the Shadow Realm)**

They have been walking for hours and they were still walking. "And when everything seems to go right, something happens that makes it SO wrong." 

"Inu-Yasha, were you talking to yourself?" Kyo asked. 

"Uh, no." 

"Okay." 

Akito had fallen asleep on Bakura's head because she liked to sleep on spiky pillows. Kinda like Bakura's hair. 

"Maybe we should set her down and run," Bakura whispered to Marik. 

"Nah, she'll find a way to follow us. And I'm not willing to see a stampede of cows coming after us when she wakes." Marik replied. 

"Damn." Bakura said. 

"HIT ME!" Akito yelled in her sleep. She twitched and clung to Bakura tighter. "There's no place like home…" 

"Why me?" he muttered. He carefully pulled her off and set her on Marik's head. That woke Akito up. 

"Why is Bakura's head spikier than usual?" she asked and looked down to see Marik. "Since when did Bakura dye his hair blonde?" 

Marik's face went -_-". He pulled her off. Akito blinked stupidly and clung to Marik's left shoe. 

"What's with the shoe!" he kicked her off and backed into Bakura, knocking both of them down. His hand accidentally slid into Bakura's shirt. Tasuki's camera snapped. 

"Got it!" she handed the picture to Akito who gladly accepted it to add to her growing collection. She turned her attention back to the two who were scrambling away from each other. 

Kyo and Inu-Yasha stopped all of a sudden. The road split into three separate roads and each lead into different realms. The left led to a rainbow, the middle led to a spinning vortex, and the right led to a graveyard. 

"Hey, where do we go?" Kyo asked. 

"We should split," Inu-Yasha said. He looked back at the four people who were yelling at the tops of their lungs. "Okay…"

Akito stopped singing and stared at the roads. "Nice place," she commented. 

"Where should we go?" Bakura asked. He went to the road that led to the graveyard and waited. Akito cried and ran to him. When she did, a large hole appeared underneath them and Bakura and Akito vanished, just like that. 

Everyone was silent for a few seconds when Inu-Yasha pushed Tasuki to the road that led to the rainbows before he stepped on the left road. The same hole appeared and before they vanished, Tasuki yelled,"NOOOOOO!!!!!!" 

Kyo went wheeee, pulled Marik's shirt, and dragged him to the spinning vortex. They vanished too. 

**(Where Yami is) **

Yami had kicked the door several times after the squirrel left. He screamed bloody hell and bashed his head against the wall for about an hour already. 

"Hey, why don't you watch something?" the blond guard said, pushing in a small t.v. 

Yami pushed the 'on' button with his foot. The screen fizzed and a cartoon appeared. 

"WHO LIVES IN A PINAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!!!" 

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yami screamed. His scream rang through the asylum and was heard outside where the guard and the driver were having a drink. 

**(Back to the Shadow Realm)**

After everyone left, a shadowy character followed them. 

Bakura screamed an octave higher than he knew he could go and landed on hard ground. Akito yelled,"Wheeee!" and landed on him. 

"Hey, where are we?" she asked. She heard a grunt and did nothing. 

Bakura pushed her off and looked around. They were inside the graveyard that the road was leading to. "I guess we just keep walking." 

For the first time ever, Akito nodded seriously. She began to walk when Bakura stopped her. 

Bakura took one step and fell into a freshly dug hole. Akito looked over and she jumped down. 

"You aren't supposed to be here." She pointed at the gravestone. It read 'Hahaha, I've never been so happy in my life!' 

"So what to do now-" Bakura was interrupted by a rumbling sound. "What the-?" 

"I'm hungry," she said. Then she jerked up quickly. "Oh, crap!" She looked through her pockets. "I didn't pack a lunch!" 

Bakura hit her behind her head. Akito wobbled backwards and she pushed a trigger. The ground opened and they fell through. Bakura yelled,"WWWHHHYYY DDDOOOEEESSSS THIIISSSS KEEEEPPPPP HAPPPEENNNIIINNNGGG TTTOOOO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!" Akito yelled,"HIT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Tasuki gave a girlish scream when she saw that she had landed in a field of green grass and pink fluffy bunnies were hopping around. Inu-Yasha landed on her and got off to keep Tasuki's teeth away from his ass. He looked around and did nothing while Tasuki screamed like a little girl and was bashing her head against a tree that had candy for its leaves. 

"How did we get here?" Inu-Yasha asked absently. Tasuki heard him and bashed him on the head with a brick she pulled out of the road. 

"Damn you!" she yelled. 

Inu-Yasha ignored her and sat down with his arms crossed. That made Tasuki scream and rant, running in circles like a fool. The bunnies went to her and settled in her hair. "GET OFF YOU CREATURES FROM HELL!" 

Inu-Yasha looked up with a spark in his eyes. "I remember! I was traveling on the yellow brick road and then we ran into three separate roads! And then I…uh oh…" 

Tasuki was breathing hard from her nose as she stormed to him. "I…will….get…my…revenge…" she hissed, took out a club and whacked Inu-Yasha so many times the peaceful place was no longer peaceful. 

Marik was screaming and kept screaming until he realized that he wasn't going to land on the ground. He stopped at a mid-scream when Kyo went wheeee. 

"Hey, where are we?" he asked, looking around. There were a lot of toys floating in the air and they were mostly Barbies and Hot Wheels cars. 

Kyo poked at a Barbie, poured kerosene, and set it on fire. "BURN!" she yelled. This caused a chain reaction. The flames spread to the rest of the Barbies, it melted the Hot Wheels cars, and it set Marik's ass on fire. 

He screamed and, since there wasn't a ground to roll on, he ran around screaming like a fool. Kyo looked at him for a few seconds, sat down, took out a remote, and was clicking the buttons. Whenever she did, the vortex would change scenes. Button 1 = watch Marik do the chicken dance. Button 2 = watch Marik do the polka. Button 3 = watch Marik try to put the flames out of his ass. Button 4 = watch Marik wrestle with Barney. Button 5 = watch Marik try to make the Teletubbies go straight. Button 6 = watch Marik be attacked by rabid squirrels. Button 7 = watch Marik in the Wizard of Oz. Button 8 = the Nature Channel…featuring squirrels. Button 9 = the Discovery Channel…with the evolutions of monkeys. Button 10 = the cheese channel. 

"Oh, I like this one!" Kyo said happily. She set down the remote and ignored Marik's cries to press the Button 3. "Hey! Neko-chan! You should watch this! Neko-chan? Neko-chan? Hey, where are you?" she looked around. 

Akito poked at Bakura who was unconscious because Akito had accidentally whacked him with the cue stick that she still had. "Hey, Fluffy?" she jabbed at his head. When she did not hear a response, she elbowed him at the stomach. 

Bakura yelled and screamed," You could have killed me!!!" He glared at Akito and rubbed his sore spot. Akito took out a marker and began to draw on the cue stick over the stuff Inu-Yasha did. 

"Hey, do you have any idea how to get out of here?" Bakura said. 

"We follow the yellow brick road!" 

Bakura turned and wondered why he even bothered to ask. He was going to leave her there when Akito let out a scream. 

"What is it?" he said. 

"Nothing!" she pounced on his head and it caused him to fall to the ground. She smiled happily. Bakura hissed like a cat that had just been sat on. Which was probably true. 

"Will you get off?" he struggled but Akito slapped his head and dug into her pockets. She took out a hairbrush and said, "I'm going to play with Fluffy's hair!!" She also dug into Bakura's pocket to search for hair gel. Finding none, she pulled out her own. After several hours, Bakura's hair had been spiked to look like Yami, twisted to look like Sailor Moon, braided into pigtails, and Akito tried to make it to look like Marik but had no luck. Finally, she settled to leave it the way it was. 

Bakura was mentally making a list of reasons he should kill her. Then, he heard to sound of scissors! And it was not trimming! 

He screamed and ran from her. Knowing what he was going to find, he touched the back of his head. His long white hair had been cut to his shoulders and it was not spiky anymore! Snarling, he snatched the mirror Akito was holding and screamed like a girl. 

His hair was cut so short he looked identical to Tsukasa!!! 

"Damn you!!" he rushed forward to strangle Akito who was grinning like a maniac. He had pounded her to the ground and was about to beat the crap out of her when Akito's eyes widened and she pointed to his hair again. 

"Oh…shit," she whispered. Bakura frowned and Akito took out the mirror and Bakura stared. 

Now his hair was turning from its usual white to black!!!! Bakura yelled and jerked off Akito who was reading the hair gel she used. "NOT TO BE USED ON WHITE HAIR! THIS GEL IS FOR BLACK HAIR ONLY!!" she read. "Hey, Fluffy!" she called. "This is for black haired people! And you've got white hair…so…oh… no." 

Bakura went and was glowering at her. He took the gel and squeezed the entire thing onto Akito's hair. "Now you have to suffer!" 

Akito's hair became blacker. "It's for black, silly! It won't work on me!" she said. She patted Bakura like he was a kitty and she walked off, whistling. Bakura grumbled and followed, determined to get revenge. 

"How do we get out of here!" Tasuki shouted to the heavens. Then she turned to Inu-Yasha. "It was all your fault! We would not be here if you had not pushed me into the road!" 

"Well, look on the bright side. We have light here!" Inu-Yasha said. Then he looked at the sky. "Hey, is the sky going to fall anytime soon?" 

"AARRRGGGGHHHH!" Tasuki knocked herself out by running to a tree. 

"That must have hurt." Inu-Yasha said. He took her by the collar and dragged her down the field. Literally. 

Kyo clicked the buttons one more time and tossed it away. "There isn't anything good on!" she said. She took out a comic and read while Marik was yelling at her to change the channel so he could get rid of the flames that were still on his ass. 

"Hey, where'd Neko-chan go?" she asked. She got up and wandered away, the remote long forgotten. 

**(Shadowy person)**

"Hey, what's this remote doing here?" she picked it up and clicked Button 3. 

Marik put out the flames and ran to Kyo's direction. 

"Well, that was fun," she placed the remote down and disappeared. 

**(Where Yami is)**

A few hours already passed and the show was still playing. Yami had screamed himself hoarse and twitched at the sight of talking sponges and drugged snails. 

Then, the show CHANGED!! "Yay!" Yami whispered. 

Then Barney came on!!! "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed. 

***************

Who is this 'shadowy person'? Find out in the next chapter! 


	9. Coconuts!

bCoconuts!/bp   
  
Bakura was breathing hard through his nose while thinking of a plan to get his revenge. Okay, cutting his hair wasn't so bad but did she have to dye it black? p  
  
Akito whistled through her teeth and skipped happily. Then, she stopped. p  
  
Bakura walked into her, still thinking. "What?" he snapped irritably. p  
  
Akito pointed ahead and just stood there. Bakura followed her to where her finger was pointing. p  
  
"Why are you pointing at a tree?" he asked. Akito's finger shook and she took out a knife from Bakura's pocket and went to it. p  
  
'Ketchup bottles speak!' she carved very slowly into the tree trunk. She took out a book of matches and struck a match and just sat there, staring at the flame. p  
  
Bakura stole another bottle of gel from Akito's pocket and tried to put his hair back to normal. After what seemed like hours but were really a few minutes, his hair had regrown back to its length. "Finally." he murmured in relief.   
  
Akito yelped when the flame burned her fingers and the match fell and set the tree on fire. So she just sat there, staring at the bonfire that was quickly spreading!! p  
  
Bakura was about to just leave her there when Akito let out a yell. "What now?" he snapped. p  
  
She pointed at his hair again and took out another mirror. p  
  
His hair had turned into a green mullet!! Bakura screamed and looked at the gel he used. p  
  
"NOT TO BE USED ON WHITE HAIR! WILL TURN HAIR INTO A GREEN MULLET!!" the note read. Bakura yelled in frustration and threw the bottle into the flames. Now, as we all know, hair gel is very flammable so when Bakura threw the hair gel into the fire, it only caused the fire to get bigger and it turned green. p  
  
Akito blinked and poked at Bakura's hair. "Fluffy, why did you turn into Alfeegi?" she asked. p  
  
Bakura could do nothing except turn to glare at her. Must...resist...to hurt...p  
  
b(Where Kyo and Marik are)/bp  
  
Kyo skipped in the empty space happily and was singing the coconut song. p  
  
Marik managed to keep up with her and hit her several times before she finally stopped singing. p  
  
"Hey, Neko-chan!" Kyo said happily. "Where did you go?" p  
  
"You know, the only reason I'm here is because Bakura went, found the yellow brick road, and lead everyone to the separate roads. The reason I'm not taking over the world is because I'm stuck with you loons!" he shouted. p  
  
Kyo blinked and patted his head. "That's nice to hear that. Now how do we get out of here?" p  
  
Marik yelled and hit her head. "You don't get it! I can just leave you here and you'd be stuck wandering the Shadow Realm forever! How does that sound? At least Bakura has it harder with that crazy dealer from Las Vegas!" p  
  
"Why are you talking about Bakura all of a sudden?" Kyo asked. She looked at him strangely. "You aren't-"p  
  
"Shut up!" Marik said, a faint blush appearing on his face. "What I meant was-"p  
  
"Ohhhh!!!" Kyo said. "Marik and Bakura sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!! First comes love, then comes the marriage, then comes the baby in a baby carriage!!!" she sang loudly. p  
  
A stress mark appeared on Marik's forehead as his eye twitched and tried to punch her when Kyo jumped and curled on his head, singing the song over and over and over and over and over…p  
  
b(Where Inu-Yasha and Tasuki are)/bp  
  
"Hey, I think I saw the sky move," Inu-Yasha said, looking at the sky. "And those strange white things are the pillows to save us when the sky falls." p  
  
"They are called clouds you dumbass," Tasuki said. p  
  
"I knew that," he said. p  
  
Then suddenly, Tasuki stepped into a trap! p  
  
Inu-Yasha was whistling off-key and stopped when he saw Tasuki hanging by her foot from a branch. "Hey, how'd you get up there?" he asked. p   
  
"There was a trap here obviously." she crossed her arms which looks amusing if you are hanging upside down from a tree by your foot! "Aren't you going to get me down?" p  
  
Inu-Yasha frowned, as though he were thinking really hard. But thinking is bad for the mind so he stopped thinking. So he sat at the base of the tree truck, crossed his arms, and began to meditate on the problem that hung about a foot above him. p  
  
Tasuki screamed and waved her arms around like a fool upside down while Inu-Yasha meditated. p  
  
b(Where Yami is) /bp  
  
"I love you! You love me! We're best friends as friends should be! With a great hug and a kiss from me to you! Won't you say you love me too?" the purple dinosaur sang with the poor brainwashed children dancing around. (A/N: Yes, I pity the children. They got my pity without the dictionary. Let us never speak of this again.) p  
  
Yami was on the ground, twitching. "Too...much...stupidity..." he whimpered. He closed his eyes to block out the images of singing dinosaurs but he could not block his ears for he was tied to a straitjacket. p  
  
And finally, the show changed AGAIN! Yami relaxed a little. p  
  
"Tinky-Winky! Dippsy! Lala! Po!" a voice sang from the t.v. p  
  
Yami knocked himself out against the wall. p  
  
b(Where Bakura and Akito are)/b   
  
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts deedle dee dee! There they are standing in the road!! Small ones, big ones, SOME THE SIZE OF YOUR HEAD!!!" Akito sang, skipping and waving her arms. She patted Bakura's green mullet. "Don't feel so bad. 'Feegi is a sex-god!" p  
  
Bakura resisted the urge to bite off her finger. Must...have...patience...for revenge...p  
  
"Hey, look!" Akito picked up an object. It was a cow plushie with a sandwich board that said 'Lose that burger belly!' p  
  
"Mine!" Bakura grabbed it and held it snuggly. p  
  
Akito walked off with a dazed expression before finding YET another cow plushie. This time, its sandwich board said 'Chickin on a bun. Pure geenius'. p  
  
"Mine too!" Bakura grabbed it as well. p  
  
"How many plushies did you have?" Akito asked. p  
  
"Three." p  
  
"Didn't Marik send them to the Shadow Realm?" she said. Then, she spotted something! "Hey, who are those people?" p  
  
A group of men were singing and dancing not too far from them. Strangely, all but one looked like a bunch of Celtic Guardians. The other one looked like a Dark Magician with sunglasses. p  
  
We're men, we're men in tightsbr  
  
We roam around the forest looking for fightsbr  
  
We're men, We're men in tightsbr  
  
We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's rightbr  
  
We may look like sissiesbr  
  
But watch what you say, or else we'll put out your lightsbr  
  
We're men, we're men in tightsbr  
  
Always on guard defending the people's rightsp  
  
La, la, la, ....etcp  
  
We're men, manly men, we're men in tights Yeah! br  
  
We roam around the forest looking for fightsbr  
  
We're men, we're men in tightsbr  
  
We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that's rightbr  
  
We may look like pansiesbr  
  
But don't get us wrong, or else we'll put out your lightsbr  
  
We're men, we're men in tights, tight tightsbr  
  
Always on guard defending the people's rightsbr  
  
When you're in a fix, call for the men in tightsbr  
  
We're Butch!!p  
  
Akito and Bakura blinked and stared. p  
  
"Who?" Bakura said. p  
  
"Wha..." Akito said. She was interrupted when a Celtic Guardian went up to her and started...sniffing her. She took one step back, tripped over a root, and the cow plushie flew out of her hand. It hit the Dual Monster on the head. p  
  
The Celtic Guardian yelled and looked at the Dark Magician. The Magician nodded and more Celtic Guardians attacked. p  
  
Akito swung her cue stick like a ninja and hissed. Bakura tried to run but he too was being attacked by rabid elves. p  
  
The Dark Magician did Dark Magic Attack on Akito who snarled like a demon and pounced on the purple over-dressed magician and yelled ,"HIT ME!" p  
  
Bakura snapped and whacked the nearest Celtic Guardian with his cow plushie. p  
  
The Dark Magician pushed Akito off and posed like a ninja, ready to fight. p   
  
Akito posed too and waited. After a few minutes, they attacked. p  
  
b(Shadowy person)/bp   
  
She was watching the group of Celtic Guardians attack Bakura while the Dark Magician was ninja-fighting Akito. p  
  
"This looks like fun," she noted. She took out a stick and whacked the ground with it. It bounced back and hit her forehead. p  
  
The shadowy person went cross-eyed, knocked out. p  
  
b(Where Marik and Kyo are) /bp  
  
"Hey, what's this?" Kyo bent over to pick up a piece of paper with scribbles. She was reading it when Marik caught up with her. p  
  
"What's that?" he panted. He looked at the note, screamed, and would have gotten away if Kyo hadn't been holding the back of his shirt. p  
  
"They've got Tasuki and Inu-Yasha!" she yelled and ran. "I've got to save them!!" p  
  
b(Where Inu-Yasha and Tasuki are) /bp  
  
"How did we get here?" Inu-Yasha asked. They were tied to a post with sticks around them. The children were dancing around them, chanting like it was a powwow. p   
  
"They set the trap damn you!" Tasuki snapped. p  
  
"Well, I wrote a note to Kyo so hopefully she got it." p  
  
"You wrote it with scratches and dog prints!" Tasuki said. "We're doomed!!" p  
  
"Hey, I think I saw the sky move!" Inu-Yasha looked at the sky. "Wow..." p  
  
  
  
b(Where the shadowy person is) /bp  
  
"Wow, where'd everyone go?" she looked around the empty place. It was covered with broken swords and she believed that there was a body stuck into a tree. p  
  
"HIT ME!" she heard from at a distance and followed it, skipping over the swords and sticks. p  
  
b(Where Akito and Bakura are)/bp   
  
"KYAHHAAHHHHHHHHH" Akito yelled and hit the Dark Magician. It did an impressive back flip and charged again. p  
  
Bakura was being tied to a post(again) and was gagged. p  
  
"I want Fluffy!" Akito cried and whacked the Dark Magician. "And a sandwich!" She whacked him again. p  
  
The Dark Magician hit her several times before saying ,"Why don't we have a competition? Whoever wins shall have this specimen you call 'Fluffy'" p  
  
"What did you call me?" Bakura yelled through the gag. p  
  
Akito stepped on his foot. "Alright then." She thought about it for a second and said ,"Wait, aren't you the card that belongs to someone with pointy hair?" p  
  
"Oh, him. He, uh, went hyper on us and sent us to the Shadow Realm." The Dark Magician shuddered p  
  
{{[[Flashback]]}} p  
  
"Bad Dark Magician!" Yami yelled at the card. "Thanks to you, Dark Magician Girl belongs to Shadi! And I thought you liked her." p  
  
"Uh..." the card said. p   
  
"Don't 'uh' me!" Yami's eyes went into hyperactive mode and sent the card and the other Celtic Guardians to the Shadow Realm.   
  
{{[[End Flashback]]}} p  
  
"I see, and you want a new master." Akito concluded. p  
  
"Yep. Let's dual!" The Dark Magician drew a large circle around as an arena and the Celtic Guardians served as referees and the crowd. More monsters appeared to be the audience. (Make up your own as I don't play the game) p  
  
  
  
b(Where Marik and Kyo are) /bp  
  
Kyo poked at the wall of the vortex. "Hey, how do we get out of here?" p  
  
Marik spotted a black hole and pointed. "Uh, there." p  
  
"But that's a - AAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Kyo was pulled in and Marik cackled and walked in the opposite direction. After what seemed to be a few minutes, he too was sucked in. "Aw shit." p  
  
b(Where Tasuki and Inu-Yasha are)/bp   
  
>Tasuki's POV<p  
  
  
  
Oh this is just GREAT! I was fine just sitting outside the library when Akito had to ruin my day AND my dreams. Children kidnapped me TWICE and Yami ate my sandwich! Now I'm stuck in a place where there is no way out with a dog-demon who mediates too much!! Argh, why didn't I go to a councilor when I really need to? Then again, councilors are also evil so I can't go there! Ohhh, when I get out of here I will get my revenge on this person who's tied next to me and the person who got me into this mess! Oh, why didn't I burn my cell phone when I really needed to? p  
  
>Inu-Yasha's POV<p   
  
  
  
Oh, I see that Tasuki's thinking to herself again! Darn, why can I do that? Oh, wait, I already am. Hey, I have a mind!! And Kagome called me a stupid dog! Ohh, Shessie is to feel my wrath when he finds out he's been wrong all along!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!! p  
  
>Normal POV<p  
  
While Tasuki and Inu-Yasha were thinking to themselves, a brown haired girl sat on the ground, sharpening a knife. Her eyes had just healed from an operation her big blonde brother had to pay for. She looked very innocent but think of what she's doing with a knife! p  
  
"Now, mortals, are you ready to become one of us or will you suffer the consequences?" she pointed at the dyed-haired girl. p  
  
Tasuki screamed and kicked. "DAMN YOU AKITO!!!" She was hit by a Barbie, which only made her yell louder. p  
  
Inu-Yasha blinked and said,"According to Newton, an object that is not in motion will remain not in motion. An object that is moving will continue moving until something stops it." p  
  
At his words, Barbies and Hot Wheels cars hit Tasuki. Tasuki finally stopped screaming when Barbie's Magical Wand poked her in the eye. "Oww…" p  
  
"Now, prepared to be sacrificed!" the brown haired girl said. (A/N: Will you believe that it's the children that do this? Now there is a reason not to play with paints with a child!) p  
  
They untied Tasuki and left Inu-Yasha tied to the pole while the dyed haired freak was about to be tortured by pink fluffy pieces of crap the children call toys. p  
  
pp  
  
*****************p  
  
Gomen, I did not show the identity of this 'shadowy person'. But it's just to make you read it more! ^_^;;p  
  
Ehehehe...don't kill me....p 


	10. RUN AWAY!

Run Away!   
  
(Where Bakura and Akito are)   
  
"KYAAAAAA!!!!" Akito yelled as she fought with sticks against the Dark Magician. She managed to hit the monster several times before it whacked her head.   
  
"I will get revenge on Yami for sending us here!" The Dark Magician yelled and attacked.   
  
"Fluffy's not going with you!" she yelled and fought back for her favorite yami. "He needs to turn his hair back to a spiky white 'do. That gel was for Alfeegi you idiot!" she yelled at Bakura. "Now I have to go to Draqueen to steal from Alfeegi's room!"   
  
Bakura could not answer for he was gagged. But, if looks could kill, Akito would have been up in flames. Not that it would matter as Akito likes fire.   
  
(Where Kyo and Marik are)   
  
Marik's POV   
  
  
  
Why must Ra be so unmerciful to me? I was fine going to the casino because Malik told me that Bakura was going. No one MENTIONED that the idiot Pharaoh was going to be there too! And was it MY fault that the dealer went insane? She was already insane to begin with! Argh, why didn't I go to a strip club when I had the chance? No! No! Mustn't think dirty thoughts! No dirty thoughts! Think pink fluffy bunnies! Bunnies, fluffiness, Playboy magazines! ARGH!!!!!!!   
  
Kyo's POV   
  
Oh, look, Neko-chan is screaming and grabbing his head again. I wonder what he is thinking? Okay, I am now looking into his mind. Let's see…bunnies, burning casinos, Playboy girls, and…what the-? OH MY GOSH!!!!! It's true! It's true! It has opened the truth! And it burns!!!!   
  
Normal POV   
  
Kyo and Marik have now begun to scream because either by what one seen and the other of what it thinks. In other words, Kyo screams from what she saw and Marik is screaming from his thoughts.   
  
(Where Inu-Yasha is)   
  
  
  
"Hey, Tasuki, where are you?" Inu-Yasha said. "Hello?" He cut himself from the pole and saw that the dyed haired freak was nowhere to be seen. "O-kay…"   
  
"Inu-Yasha, there you are!" Kikyo said from behind. She held a dog leash and said," Sit!"   
  
"Oww!" Inu-Yasha rubbed his face which got stuck to the ground.   
  
"Bad Inu-Yasha!" Kikyo blew the dog whistle and Inu-Yasha yelped like a dog. "No biscuit!" She fastened the dog leash onto the rosary beads. "Now be a good dog!"   
  
Inu-Yasha whimpered and sat. Then he began to scratch his ear with his foot. (A/N: this happened in one episode)   
  
"Good doggie!" Kikyo said happily.   
  
(Where Tasuki is)   
  
Tasuki was dragged on the ground and was dragged into the trees as the children took her through the forest. After what seemed to be about twenty trees, they stopped.   
  
"OH GREAT GODS ABOVE! WE OFFER YOU THIS MORTAL AS A SACRIFICE AND THESE ITEMS AS GIFTS FOR YOUR PLEASURE!!" the brown haired girl ,whom we will now call Die, shouted above. She held the two Items in her hands and set them in front of her. Then she turned to Tasuki who was trying to knock herself out by hitting her head repeatedly against the tree trunk.   
  
"WILL YOU ACCEPT THE WAYS OF THE TRIBE UOYKCUF!?" Die shouted.   
  
"No! You won't take me alive! Never!" Tasuki cried. She kicked the tree. "DAMN YOU AKITO!"   
  
Die whacked Tasuki with her stick. "BAD MORTAL! You must repent for your sins if you ever want to reach the gods!"   
  
"Like I give a damn!" Tasuki stuck her tongue out. She was slapped in the face by the nearest kid. "And YOU will die first!"   
  
"Then let it be known, this mortal shall be taken as a sacrifice to the gods in the morning!" Die proclaimed. "And it shall be done by that you must be wed to one of the gods!" (I know this is from a fanfic. I don't own the idea. Just borrowing it for a bit)   
  
  
  
(Where Yami is)   
  
  
  
Yami woke to find that the channels have changed! Yes, no more singing dinosaurs and talking sponges! He bent forward to see the new channel.   
  
I think I did it again  
  
I made you believe  
  
We're more than just friends, oh baby   
  
It might seem like a crush  
  
But that doesn't mean that I'm serious  
  
Cause I'm losing all my senses   
  
That's just oh so typically me   
  
Oh baby baby  
  
Yami smashed the t.v with his foot and made a dent in the door where the pieces hit. His left eye twitched and he settled in a corner, rocking back and forth.   
  
(Where Akito and Bakura are)   
  
Akito dodged an attack and managed to hit the Dark Magician in the face. She was exhausted from fighting a card for about an hour already and her stick was dented in a few places.   
  
She was about to run to Bakura when all of a sudden, the shadowy person appeared!   
  
"Who are you?" Akito asked.   
  
"I am..." the person started. (Dramatic pause) "Kris!"   
  
"Who?"   
  
"I'm the person that's been following since, uh, I forget."   
  
"Oh." Akito was about to go back to fight when Kris let out a yell.   
  
"Oh, Bakura-chan!" Kris squealed and glomped the white-haired yami.   
  
"Not another one." He muttered.   
  
"Hey, Fluffy's mine!" Akito yelled and ran toward them. She whacked Kris on the head. "I got here first!"   
  
"No, he's mine!"   
  
"Mine!"  
  
"Mine!!"   
  
"Mine!!!"  
  
"Mine!!!!"   
  
"MINE!!!!!!!!" Akito screeched and whacked the Dark Magician who was trying to sneak up. She glared at Kris and hissed. "You, enemy!"   
  
"You, even more enemy!" Kris said. She took Dark Magician's staff and summoned the dark magic. "DARK MAGIC ATTACK!!"   
  
"Eeep!" Akito ran as Kris chased her around the arena, sending bolts of black lighting at the ex-dealer. "Don't worry Fluffy-chan! Ow!" she yelled. "I'll - ow! - save you! Ow!"   
  
**************  
  
Okay, now you know who the person is. Hey, Kris, you're in it! Enjoy reading and thanks for reviewing the story so far! 


	11. All hail the cheese!

All hail the cheese!   
  
(Where Kyo and Marik are)   
  
After screaming and finally quieted, Kyo and Marik were floating in the space aimlessly. Kyo's left eye was twitching and Marik was hitting his forehead.   
  
"Hey, what's that?" Kyo said, pointing at a light that shone ahead. "Wait, I though black holes don't have an end. Oh well!" She went for the light. "Hey, Neko-chan, come on!"   
  
"Must I?"   
  
"Yep!" Kyo pulled one of the spikes of Marik's oh-so spiky hair and dragged him to the end.   
  
(Where Bakura and Akito and Kris are)   
  
"Waahhh!!!" Kris cried. "Bakura, why is your hair green? It's supposed to be white and not a mullet!" She hugged him so hard Bakura was turning blue.   
  
"Can't…breathe… Damn…fangirl…" he gasped.   
  
Akito pried Kris off and yelled at Bakura, "Now you have to go to Draqueen to get more gel from 'Feegi's room! Do you know how long it took for me to get past the demon shield? A whole minute! I wasted just ONE minute getting past security because I need his gel!"   
  
"You don't use gel!!"   
  
Akito snarled and smacked Bakura. "I need it because Nadil also has a mullet and he wanted it green! Now my master will send me to Fedelta and the fire demon is going to set the forest on fire and make me do the polka with him! It's not easy dancing with a demon that can set himself on fire and NOT burn!!"   
  
"Nadil's your master?" Kris asked. 'And I thought Lykouleon is strange… Wait, what am I saying? Lykouleon IS and always WILL be strange! The lord makes me sneak into the kitchens so he can have some cookies! Chocolate chips all the time!'   
  
"Hey, I thought we were dueling." The Dark Magician said. He snatched his staff back from Kris and shouted, "DARK MAGIC ATTACK!"  
  
That created an explosion and the yami and the two girls (who were arguing about who gets Bakura) were flown back to the graveyard.   
  
"I'm telling you! His hair has that tinge of purple!" Kris yelled.   
  
"No, it's all white!" Akito snapped as they landed on the hard ground. Bakura's head got lodged into a tree. "His hikari is Ryou Bakura and his favorite card is Change of Heart!"   
  
"His Item is the Millennium Ring and it points to all Items that are within range!" Kris said. "And he likes raw meat!"   
  
"No, he likes cows more than chicken!"   
  
As they snap out all of Bakura's information, the yami was hanging in the tree, trying to get his head out of the tree.   
  
"Favorite color!"   
  
"Pink!"   
  
"Favorite time!"   
  
"Night!"   
  
"Past life!"   
  
"A thief in Egypt!"   
  
"Relationship with the Pharaoh!"   
  
"Wants to kill him and take over the world!"   
  
Kris grumbled something and then yelled, "Oh, Bakura, why are you stuck in a tree?" She poked at the yami's green mullet.   
  
Bakura said something and kicked in the air.   
  
Akito pulled Bakura out of the tree and Kris became furious.   
  
"Who dares touch Bakura?" she shouted. She went to Akito who was nuzzling Bakura and pulled her off by the ear. "You, unholy mortal, how dare you touch the Bakura who shall one day rule the world!"   
  
"Eh?" Akito said. She took Kris's fingers from her ear and blinked. "What'd you say?"   
  
"You shall pay for touching the holy Bakura by becoming part of the tribe Whodaheck!" Kris proclaimed, raising her hands to the sky.   
  
"Huh?" Akito sat on Bakura's shoe and Kris screeched.   
  
"Now you insult him by sitting on his shoe? What pathetic mortal are you to do such a thing?" Kris whacked her with a stick.   
  
Akito blinked stupidly and hugged Bakura's leg. "Fluffy-chan…"   
  
"Why me?" Bakura asked silently. Why are all his fans psychotic and not worshiping like Yami's?   
  
  
  
(Where Tasuki is)   
  
Tasuki's POV   
  
I am now sitting on the ground for the past half-hour bashing my head against the tree. Why the hell do I have to marry a god? And I don't even know who the hell that person is. And it's all thanks to the person who got us all here in the first place. Kyo! She called me up and made me come get her out. And it was all because the damn voice in my head said that everything is going to hell. And I believed that! Grr, why didn't I become a test driver and just crash the car off the cliff like my mother wanted? Oh, wait, it was that voice that recommended me that I jump off a really high building. But I had to have that rope around my waist because the damn lady told me that suicide ratings have gone up. Hey, I know! I'll build a suicide booth and install it in my basement! That will show the world that I can build something that actually works! Or I could gather a crowd in the middle of a forest and just stab myself there! Yea! That will work! And no one can stop me!   
  
Normal POV  
  
"Are you ready, mortal?" Die asked, poking Tasuki.   
  
"No!"   
  
"Too bad, get to the altar!"   
  
"Ow! What's with the poking?" Tasuki said as she was pushed and pulled to the altar. "And who the hell is HE?"   
  
The 'god' was a tall brunette dude with hair that looked like a pencil.   
  
"Shh! You must show respect to the god!" Die snapped. She hit the back of Tasuki's head and called, "Oh great god of dolls and toys, grace us with your presence!"  
  
"Wha…" Tasuki blinked. "No! No! I don't want to get married! I'm only fourteen years old! And I haven't planned my suicide properly yet!"  
  
"Silence, human!"   
  
"Tasuki, what are you doing there?" Inu-Yasha said. He was walking by with Kikyo who was holding a leash. "Hey, you aren't-"   
  
"Shut up!" Tasuki yelled. All the children gasped at once.   
  
"She said the 'S' word," they whimpered.   
  
Tasuki glowered at them. "Oh really? Shit, fuck, crap, hell, damn, bitch, bastard, and ******, ******, @*&^#*@, and !^^#*^#&@^$^*@&#!!!!!!!"   
  
The children screamed and cried. "No, my mommy said those are naughty words!" one cried.   
  
Tasuki flipped off Die and ran to Inu-Yasha. "Hey, aren't you supposed to be dead?" she asked Kikyo.   
  
"Uh, no."  
  
"Oh." Tasuki looked back as the children took out spears and sharp objects and were advancing toward them. Die held the Items and smiled. "Now, prepare to die," she whispered.   
  
Then, Kyo and Marik dropped out of midair and landed on Kikyo. Kyo looked down and yelled.   
  
"That's Kikyo!"   
  
Marik blinked. "Who's Kikyo?"   
  
"I'm not Kikyo!" Kikyo said. "I'm Evil-Demon-Child!"   
  
Everyone stared at her before Kyo said, "So?"   
  
"Well, yea!" Evil-Demon-Child said and jerked on Inu-Yasha's leash, making the dog demon fall to the ground.   
  
Inu-Yasha barked once and took the leash off at once. "Free at last!!" he cried.   
  
Kyo pulled Marik off Kikyo/Evil-Demon-Child and slapped his face. "How dare you cheat on him!" she yelled. "At least Bakura is under the protection of Akito!"   
  
"Say what?" Inu-Yasha looked at Marik. "You aren't-"   
  
"Silence mortal!" Marik shouted.   
  
Die went up to them. "Hey, someone here has to get married or the gods will send their wrath upon us!"   
  
Tasuki glared at the 'god', tied bombs around him, and blew him up. "There, now I don't have to get married and I've decided to throw myself off the cliff in attempt to kill myself!" she said happily.  
  
"How dare you kill one of the gods!" Die shouted and waved the Items around. "Now, Mind Crush!" she shouted, sending the characters to the trees.   
  
Kikyo was stuck to the branches and finally died and went to hell where she belonged.   
  
Inu-Yasha took out the Tetsaiga and slashed the air, causing the attack Wind Scar to come. (A/N: I think that's what is) It ripped through the air and blinding flash came.   
  
(Where Akito and Bakura and Kris are)   
  
"Die you!" Kris cried and tried to kick Akito off the cliff. "Bakura is mine!"   
  
Akito hissed and snapped. "No, he belongs to someone else! And you can't do anything to stop me!"   
  
"Yes I can!" Kris took out a long sword and so did Akito. "You will pay for being so familiar with Bakura!"   
  
Bakura sat down as the two parried swords and saw something that made him scream. A bunch of old ladies were coming toward them!   
  
Akito saw this and whacked Kris to make her stop. "Old ladies…" she whimpered. She ran behind Bakura and clung to his arm. That made Kris shout and attack Akito with a spoon.   
  
"Oh, look at those adorable children!" an old lady called and went to them. "Aren't you so cute?" She pinched Bakura's cheek. "Yeeesss you are!"   
  
Akito restrained Kris from blowing up that lady and managed to knock her out with the spoon. "Hey, what are you doing here in the Shadow Realm?"   
  
"Oh, we were crossing the street one day when this young man came and waved a golden object at us," they said.   
  
"What did you call me?" Bakura demanded. He slapped the hand off his face and stood up, glaring at the lady.   
  
They took out their long wooden canes, waving them at the teenagers and 5,000-year old spirit. "How dare you!" they shouted and chased them, screaming.   
  
Akito dragged Kris by the collar and ran behind Bakura, screaming, "Bakura, now look what you have done!"   
  
(Where everyone but Bakura, Akito, and Kris are)   
  
  
  
When everything settled, the ground was cracked and the children and Die were gone. Inu-Yasha sheathed the sword and looked around. Apart from the mess, everything was okay.   
  
Marik picked up the Items. "Well, should we look for the others?"  
  
"Yea."   
  
*************  
  
The next chapter is going to be the last one! I promise there will be a sequel and another sequel to that   
  
one! 


	12. Return to the Asylum

Return to the asylum   
  
(Where everyone but Marik, Kyo, Inu-Yasha, Tasuki are)   
  
  
  
"Ack!" Akito yelled as she was whacked with canes and purses. "Too much pain!" She rolled away and ran to the mob of old ladies who were whacking Bakura with spatulas. Kris had somewhat sided with the old ladies and had taken a long stick to hit Akito.   
  
"Hey, there they are!" Marik's voice yelled as the rescue team sprang forth and vanquished the evil ladies. Akito ran and clung to Bakura's head.   
  
"Hey, who's she?" Kyo asked as Kris glomped Inu-Yasha and Marik at the same time.   
  
"She simply decided to appear." Akito said. She got off Bakura and returned to her normal mode. She screamed and ranted about how she and Bakura got into the graveyard, how Bakura's hair became a green mullet, that Dark Magicians and his companions attacked the, how Kris kept attacking her with a spoon, how the old ladies attacked her. Akito began to cry and hugged the tree.   
  
"Hey, Bakura, when did you turn into Alfeegi?" Tasuki asked.   
  
Bakura eyed the hair gel that stuck out of Akito's pocket and sighed. He took the gel and tried it. After a few seconds, there was a poof as the green hair became white again. However it was not spiky.   
  
"Okay, why did you turn into Ayame?" Inu-Yasha asked.   
  
"Silence mortal!" Bakura shouted.  
  
"Dude, I'm half-demon!" Inu-Yasha snapped. He pushed Kris off and glared at Bakura.   
  
Kyo and Tasuki blinked at Bakura's new 'do and screeched. "Ayame!!" they shouted and glomped him. They were fans of the snake from Fruits Basket.   
  
Akito sniffled and sat on Inu-Yasha's foot. "Hey, where'd you get those things with golden eyeballs?" she asked.   
  
"We stole them." Marik said. Then he looked up. "Well, shall we go back?"  
  
"You mean that we also have to take THEM with us too?" Bakura said.  
  
"Well, half of them are hanging onto you and we can always send them back to asylum later."  
  
"Fine." Bakura's Item glowed and they got out of the Shadow Realm with a flash.   
  
(Where they are, now that they've got out of the Shadow Realm)  
  
"Freedom!" Kris danced around.   
  
"Ahhh! Sunlight!!" Akito screamed and ran into the shadows.   
  
The yamis blinked and Kyo said," She had seen Interview with the Vampire and is now convinced she is one."   
  
Akito heard her and yelled," Don't go into the light! It'll burn!!" She hugged her knees and rocked.   
  
"Oh, look, there's the car that will take you away - I mean - take you back to the asylum." Bakura said happily as several cars drove to them.   
  
"Inu-Chan!" Akito said as the blonde guard came forth.   
  
"How many of you are there?!?!!?" the blonde guard shouted. There was the ex-dealer, the friend, the kid who signed them out, and two people that seemed to appear out of nowhere.   
  
"Akito make friends!" The ex-dealer said and bit the nearest doctor to her. "Back away you mortal!" she shouted and sank her teeth into the doctor's throat. (insert the scene where Lestat drinks from Louis, like that)  
  
Everyone but Bakura backed away slowly. The yami likes blood, remember?   
  
"Well, let's get you back to where you belong. And give the vampire a mask." The blonde guard took several strait jackets and he and the driver restrained everyone.   
  
"Kiki!" Kyo said as she was shoved into the car.   
  
A blonde girl with violet eyes went to Akito and successfully restrained the girl and pushed her into a separate car so Akito won't attempt to fly.   
  
(To the asylum)   
  
  
  
Everyone had been taken to their rooms. Bakura and Marik were thrown into the room where Yami was. Tasuki, Inu-Yasha, and Kyo were put into one room. Akito was given a separate room with doubled layered walls with a mask and was given vegetables to eat. Kris proved to them that she was sane so they simply let her go.   
  
"Well, at least we are away from them." Bakura said.  
  
"But look who else is in this room." Marik noted. He kicked Yami and said, "Well, we won't have to return to our hikaris so that's good."  
  
"Hey, you have visitors." The door opened and Yugi, Ryou, and Malik came in.  
  
"What have we told you?" Ryou crossed his arms and glared at Bakura.  
  
"Not to send dealers to the asylum?" the yami said.  
  
"Yes." Ryou smiled and looked at Bakura's hair. "Why did you turn into Ayame?" He took out hair gel from his pocket and another poof came. Bakura's hair returned to normal.   
  
"Yes!" Bakura hugged Ryou, sobbing. "It's been short, a green mullet, longer, and now you've returned it to normal!"  
  
"Okay, let's get out of here." Yugi dragged his yami by the hair and Malik had grabbed Marik's ear. "Seto said he want to drive us off a cliff so we'd better not miss it!"  
  
"That was my idea!" Tasuki's voice shouted and a foot kicked the door. "How dare you!"  
  
"Spoons are out to take over the world!" Inu-Yasha shouted.   
  
"Evil squirrels!" Kyo shouted.   
  
"Hit me!!!!" Akito screeched through her mask.   
  
The hikaris' eyes widened as they grabbed their yamis and ran for their very lives.   
  
THE END  
  
**************  
  
I think the ending sucked a bit so forgive me if I bored you. Just watch out for the sequel   
  
Yami Christmas coming as soon as I'm done with the midterms! 


End file.
